I just returned home from a family wedding and niece’s college graduation; AND found it to be soooo interesting... families.

We certainly are a peculiar breed, us “families”, aren't we? And I think of His Words, “all your days were written before as yet one came to be." Our families are pre-ordained, scripted in our books in heaven, known before we were even formed in our mother’s womb... and what do I say to that... Really????? No input? Come on God - I could have crafted it, dare I say, with a few modifications?

Old wounds, new wounds, unresolved conflict, new members, unwanted members, and the list goes on. But, we’re still a family.

Wow! As every conversation is scrutinized, motives to others’ words and intents are ascribed, actions are judged... here we go... we’re off to the races again. Our mouths and body language are out of whack (clearly delineating favorites both liked and disliked), opinions, attitudes, and the list goes on among the plastic smiles, hugs, and kisses.

Okay, time to get over it, everyone knows what I’m talking about. And guess what? This last visit was one of the most fun family events and weddings I have attended yet!!!! Ha ha gotcha!​

Oh yes, all the above was moving and grooving, but Thank You Jesus, we have ALL been touched by His Spirit and in it all there were second thoughts, time outs, taking breaths, counting to 10 and re-wording, re-positioning, new language, and recovery from major “infractions” on boundaries and conversations… And all with a little wine to boot! :)

I think of Martin Luther, the reformer - how he smoked cigars, was known to drink too much, cursed like a sailor (those poor guys always get the reference; perhaps I should say truck driver, well they get it too), had poor etiquette, and lacked social graces - yet HE was used by God to lead the reformation. Well now, think of that!

I love my family, though there are days I don’t like some of them, and I know the feelings are mutual. But this time, I have more hope and joy than ever as I truly experienced God’s grace at work in some pretty tight situations.

I look quickly to the Old Testament families and smile saying, “Man what a screwed up bunch of people! Thank You Lord that You wrote down Your words of salvation, Your plan of salvation, and how it was to come to be through this mess of families You call YOUR CHOSEN." I am certainly  at home with these people and glad to be one of them.

“Through Him, in Him, and by Him, all things come into being.”

GRACE, GRACE, AND MORE GRACE!!!!

We all know the power of these people besides their weaknesses, but I’m highlighting the latter today. As I walked it out in Texas through a three-day event of celebrations, there were too many opportunities to scrutinize through the lenses of the SAINTS OF OLD and their divine giftings and callings; forgetting their everyday lives and failures through which God had NOT a problem, nor a concern, that what He ordained would come to pass.

Don’t worry all you “greasy gracers” out there… We’re not going off the reservation here, just reminding myself that I can REST IN WHAT HE HAS DONE and LET GO of my all too often desire to rest on the laurels of my works, results, and accomplishments for the kingdom.

And I’m happy to report that the King has reigned this weekend in me and my family’s lives in Texas. There are days I wondered (and still may), but I have confidence in Him completing what He has begun in this crazy bunch of Italians I call family.

So no, God, I don't want my few modifications. I defer to Your original thought sometime in eternity when You designed the people You called me to, birthed me to, and who are now and forever my family. Thank God that not only by natural blood, but through Your wonderful calling and grace, You have connected us eternally in the body of Christ - dirty laundry and all. Thank You, Jesus!!!

PS I haven't gotten to my husband's family yet, they're next!! :)

Many of you have been asking, “What’s the latest, what’s the latest?” While I need to write all the funnies that have come out of Valera’s mouth recently, and they ARE funny… a quick update, and I mean quick!

Friday two weeks ago I was ready to send Oksana back on a one way ticket, well not really, but I felt like it. We had a very bad week, turns out that she had not done any homework since she had been here. It all started with a call from the school from the ESL teacher followed by one from the principals’ office.

And it went downhill from there. Arlin had gone snowmobiling in Canada with friends the week before, so I was going it alone, although, as most mom’s know, aren’t you kind of doing it alone anyway, even if hubby is home???

Cindy H. talked me off a cliff that Friday for FOUR hours, while I ran around doing all my errands mind you, the patience of Job that woman! She told me that all of Oksana’s behavior was text book for these kids. And, that my reaction to her acting up was classic and also textbook for parents of these kids.

I didn’t remember going through this with Valera, but he’s a little guy, he was 7 when he came home, and I have a short memory, Cindy remembers.  I forget all the training and time I poured into him, and I only had him.

We got through the week and the weekend. We went to a fabulous NYC style salon in Lancaster that has First Friday’s every month. This month was an 80’s theme and all the personnel dress up in eighties, kind of retro to Rocky Horror Picture Show if you ask me… and they have a live DJ also dressed to suit. And they hand out 3D glasses, serve wine coolers, wine, and for the kids all kinds of fun punches and kid drinks in cool stem ware glasses, so we were there from 5:30 – 8:30 with CeCe of course, who was also the hit of the salon mind you. Ana who owns the Salon is from Russia and was speaking to the kids in Russian, I have been going to this salon on and off for a couple of years and she was dying to meet the kids.

Anyway, we whooped it up, the kids dancing around the salon, they got haircuts, I got an update on color and cut, and we had a good time.

Next day she had another meltdown. I kept going over and over in my head the things Cindy had said, as I did not want to respond the way she had explained to me that they need. She had sent me articles of a book she had recommended, Consequences and Logic or something... I have it somewhere… and she kept saying as I argued with her the first hour, “Deborah, what I am telling you will be 360 from what you think, know, or believe, and it won’t make sense. But, believe me, this is what these kids need. Everything they do comes from a place of fear. She is pushing your buttons, and she KNOWS how. She’s  trying to get you to throw her out because they all expect it’s coming sooner or later and they would rather have it sooner. I raised my own kids, but when I got this one at 14, she was a whole different being. You have to put out of your mind anything traditional or otherwise you think in how to handle her behavior. It’s all about winning her trust and assuring her you aren’t going to throw her out- no matter what she does.”

No kidding, it goes against everything I wanted to do, like throw her out!

Then last week began and again it started. We had a “team meeting” with the school, her 6 teachers, the counselor, the vice principal, and the ESL teacher. That went for 2 hours and Arlin came. He has to hear what’s going on.

Now she’s not a bad girl, but she is manifesting this classic/textbook behavior all the experts talk about, I hadn’t read my books recently and had forgotten. Plus she and Valera  have been fighting like cats and dogs!!

​By the end of the week, Saturday, I told Arlin I needed a “me” day as I had not been without these kids for a month, I needed a day when NOONE including HIM spoke to me, asked me for anything, needed me for anything or otherwise. I was hoping for Saturday. Well, didn’t happen. He just got back from 8 days of snowmobiling the weekend before, so it’s my turn now!! NOT.

By Sunday night, I was over tired and exhausted emotionally which wipes you out physically. We had a good afternoon hiking with the kids, but the behavior stuff was getting to me. After putting them to bed, I held CeCe and cried most the night wanting to go home to Jesus with CeCe and let Arlin sort it all out.

Got up early, got the kids up, made their breakfast, made their lunches, helped them pack their back packs, making sure they had all their homework etc… and walked them down the lane in my famous bathrobe to the bus.

Came back in the house where normally I have devotion from 7-8, then workout from 8-9 and frankly, I went back to bed with CeCe.

It was what I needed; I slept for an hour and woke up feeling different. Thank you Jesus for a miracle. All the heaviness and sadness was gone somehow. Miracle!

I had to get up as I had a new cleaning lady coming to train, don’t you just hate that! Training is like doing it yourself. But, if she worked out, I was home free with at least ONE responsibility.

Ok, live news feed, Valera turned the thermostat of our house with floor heat up to 85 degrees last night without us knowing it, I am SWEATING as I sit here typing, and the doors are open!!!! See what I mean? Why do they have to touch everything?????

Cleaning lady seemed to work out, though slow, but thorough. Kids came home and we had a good day of homework… another miracle!!! Last week as I sat with her for 2 hours she threw the pencil, her books, the papers, shoved the desk across the room, screamed, yelled, pouted, ended up on the floor resisting doing her homework, said she hated English, she was not going to learn it, etc… You get the drift of the last two weeks.

But, I THINK, Lord willing, she gets the drift that it is NOT optional, her schoolwork or school for that matter. Oh, and she had found the boy she likes on FB, how she got there I don’t know. I discovered this when I came home from a board meeting last Tuesday when I went to check my emails that night. Arlin had been watching Fox news, what else, and said he saw her go over to the laptop and that she was doing something. HELLO, ANYONE HOME?????

I changed the password on all the computers, NO ONE gets access unless I allow it now!! End of that scenario! How did she learn that? I had not showed her how to surf nor had I shown her Face book?

See what I mean?

Ok.  Hopefully that’s behind us for now. I am not that naïve anymore, I hope!

Did I say quick update? Is there such a thing?

Oh, one final note… ever have those days when you hear “Mom???” for the 100th time and you want to say, “She left, she moved to another country.”?????  Come on ladies, give it up!!

Until the next time I have 15 minutes to write AND I’m not in survival mode but actually relaxed.

I just arrived from Donetsk, well about an hour and ½ ago, and I thought that the wagons pulled by the tractors were an “antiquated” way of bringing in the luggage? Was I clueless or what??? Wait until I tell you this story. But first, what happened yesterday with Oksana, court and the day.... 

January 6, 2012 Friday

I was supposed to meet Dima at the airport, and for some reason I got my time mixed up. When I arrived in Munich Thursday, they announced that the time was 6 hours ahead of Eastern Time. I forgot that I gained another hour going to Ukraine from there. So I was sitting in the downstairs restaurant alone having a coffee and bread, when Dima walks in and said, “I told you not to be late!”  I had gone to bed around 3am, not able to sleep, jet lag and got up around 7am trying to spend time until I had to meet him at 10:45. I was playing on the IPod, finally getting to know my way around this thing, when he walked in. Oh my, I jumped!

The driver was outside at the airport waiting for us. I ran up to my room, grabbed the gifts for Oksana, Dima, Arkadiy and the orphanage director and headed back downstairs. I forgot all the Christmas cards with our family photo… rats! We hurried to the airport and the driver.

We arrived in Mariupol early because the weather was so good and made the drive easier. It was a pleasant surprise, the temperature was about 40 degrees and we actually saw sun which as Dima had explained is not often visible in the winter in the Ukraine. I was feeling better, he was still jet lagged as had arrived the same day back to the Ukraine from the states as I did, Thursday.

We headed for the grocery store to eat, Dima always wants to do that, it was close to 1pm and we had to meet the Inspector to take him to court with us at 1:30. We knew we wouldn’t eat the rest of the day, bread and butter are not THAT sustaining.

We walked to the Inspector’s office and walked right in, NO waiting in the dark unlit hallway this time. SURPRISE, SURPRISE as Gomer Pilot would say!! (Ok I’m dating myself) He smiled and I handed him his gift. I had quite the time picking out what color of sweater to get him and shirt for layering. Guess what Tex and Wes? I should have gotten one of the beautiful Ralph Lauren winter plaid button downs, he was wearing a plaid!!

He quickly motioned to take the gift away. Dima clued me in, he can’t be seen receiving “gifts” so he asked me to put it in this closet next to his desk, we would talk about it on the street outside his office and the building.

He and Dima reviewed the paperwork for court and drilled me on what to say, how to answer the judge’s questions and what they had decided I was going to say when asked how I met Oksana, how I first found out about her. I was to say that I had gone to the SDA in Kiev for my original appointment and they showed me some files of children and from them, I chose her to go and meet to see if we wanted to adopt her. (Wink, wink)
They gathered up all the paperwork and we headed out to court. A new law had been put in place since the ministry of adoption reopened in early December. Now for ALL adoptions, prosecutor had to be present, so it was VERY important we had our stories straight to avoid complications.

As we approached the building, someone came running across the walk right up to me and gave me a huge bear hug! I had been looking down at my phone and was startled. I wondered who this was but quickly realized it was Oksana. I hadn’t seen her standing at the door behind a tree with the social worker waiting on us to arrive. I thought, “Why is she hugging me so largely, she doesn’t even know me! How could she think she wants to hug me?”

We walked the remainder of the way into the building beside one another. Honestly, I was feeling a bit awkward. I don’t understand how people do true blind adoption. I was a little reserved if you can imagine, questioning her motives. Does she really like me and want us or does she just want out of the Ukraine. As I thought this through, I realized that the rejection of Anastasia still bothered me. I want a child to choose us, not just life in America. I know, I know, the gospel and all that. We love because HE first loved us, God; give me the grace as we go through court today.

It wasn’t at all like this with Valera. He was in our home for 3 ½ weeks last Christmas and for 10 weeks this summer. We had really bonded as a family. I had spent a total of about 20 minutes with Oksana. And that was including the first time I met her and the last trip in December to start her adoption process. I don’t mind saying that it’s a little scary this time around. I have to put in a plug for hosting here again. I understand how much easier it makes the entire process. But we walk by faith and not by sight, so I just keep walking, one foot in front of the other.

We went right to the courtroom, they were ready for us. The judge came in and we all stood. Let me describe the “decorum”. The paint is peeling off the ceilings, the wires are hanging, the light bulbs hanging from wires in some places, furniture is falling apart, the desks look like something out of a schoolroom and yet all the formality and the seriousness of the process is on their faces. I just kept looking around wondering, “What about this picture doesn’t make sense?”

I know I was just here in September for Valera, but it still amazes me. This is normal for them, they don’t’ even notice I’m sure.

The judge started with the proceedings. Dima whispered that this was the head judge and we needed to get it right. Oksana and sat in the front bench with Dima right behind me as my translator. We all identified ourselves and she began reading the petition. She skipped reading me my rights, mentioning that there were many and it was a lengthy document she was skipping over. That was a shock!

Then she got to the part about, “how did I meet Oksana and/or find out about her.” For those of you tuned into the blog, you know that was the trip up at the last meeting at the orphanage when I came in December. I was told to say to the director in front of the Inspector and the Orphanage lawyer that I had hosted her. Remember, that didn’t go over so well, because when they asked Oksana the same question right after they questioned me, she told them she had met me at the orphanage when we were there adopting Valera and was asked if she wanted to be adopted by us. WRONG answer!

I had told Dima that I didn’t want to lie, but the truth was illegal, that put me in a bind. It came out anyway through Oksana, now we had to back paddle. That was then, this was now.

Dima thought he had sufficiently prepared her. When the judge asked her how she met me she said, “Uncle Dima came up to me at the orphanage after I met Deborah and asked me if I wanted to be adopted by her.”

Ok, Dima was whispering to me frantically, “Bummer, ohhhh, bummer, she just screwed up, this is really bad, oh no, this is really really bad!”

The judge looked shocked! She looked over at Dima, than the Inspector who had already exchanged horrified glances over at Dima. He was seated perpendicular to us at a desk with the Social Worker, the prosecutor just in front of us perpendicular in another desk and the judge up front facing all of us. Then she gave me a glare/glance. She figured out I we had lied. She kept looking at me and Dima, I suspect thinking about what to say next.
There was silence in the courtroom for what seemed like an hour but realistically was about 45 seconds as the looks went around the room. I noticed the social worker smiling with her head down. She also knew that there was now a problem but I think she thought it a little comical watching the drama unfolding and the guys reaction. Perhaps she was more confident that the judge would overlook the comment. Or did she enjoy watching them sweat? ☺ She really is a sweetheart though.

The judged asked Oksana one more time how she met me as Dima and Arkadiy exchanged glances again- in total agony, and then both put their heads down. It was just too painful to hear Oksana say it again.

Dima was sweating and whispering that he REALLY needed a smoke about now.
Again silence from the judge. Thank God the prosecutor was new and clueless. What Oksana had just described to the judge was “pre-selection” which is MAJORLY against the law. Sure, all this hosting is ALL about pre-selection, but it’s kind of just ‘understood’ because it comes under the title of “hosting”. But to outright say that she was approached and asked if she wanted to be adopted by Arlin and I basically meant what we had done was anything but legal.

Finally after questioning her AGAIN but in a little different way trying to get Oksana to give a different answer, she managed to smooth over the situation and directed her questions back to me.

Dima didn’t know what to expect, he was really scared the adoption would be interrupted and we wouldn’t get through court. Arkadiy kept rubbing his forehead.  I didn’t realize the severity of what had just happened, so I wasn’t as bothered, but I knew there was a glitch.
The judge asked many more questions than the judge we had for Valera’s court. Dima explained later that it was because the prosecutor was present; they had to make a good showing of it all.

Finally after all the questioning of both Oksana and I: How will you communicate with her, how much English does she know, how will you educate her, do you want to adopt more children, how many more, who do you call momma, do you want to be adopted by these people, do you want to live in America, have you been there before, on and on they went… she said OK!!!!

She approved the adoption and it was over. We all stood as she left, but she had a smile on her face, she realized she just saved their @#*$ big time!!!

Arkadiy shot a HUGE grin at Dima, but Dima was still shaking in his shoes and said, “I need to go outside and have a smoke right now!”

We left quickly and quietly, walking out the building as fast as we possibly could.
Dima lit up immediately and so did Arkadiy. They both walked off alone to chat. It wasn’t until they returned that Dima filled me in on the severity of the situation and how bad it could have all turned out, we could have been denied for this. He said, “Deborah, in all my 15 years of doing this, I have never ONCE had this problem, why is always with your adoption???”

Hey, I wasn’t the one who was supposed to prep her! I hugged Oksana as she and the social worker jumped in the car with the driver so he could take them back to the orphanage and return for Dima, the Inspector (Arkadiy) and I.

Then Arkadiy started talking and asked Dima to translate. We walked for a few minutes as he explained what had just happened in there. This was one time I would agree that ignorance IS bliss. If I knew to the degree this was severe, I would have pooped my pants I think!

We dropped Arkadiy off back at his office and his parting words??? Say ‘hello to CeCe for me and give her a kiss for me… that Chula, Chula!” Ok come on now?  Didn’t I tell you CeCe had a hand in all this???

He asked me to send him more pictures of him. I told him I had just been over to the breeders because she had a new litter of Yorkies and there was one in the litter, a little male, that was going to be as small as CeCe, would he like to have him? He laughed and said he didn’t have time for a little CeCe, to give it the time it would need, but buy him for CeCe so she can have a boyfriend. So cute of him!! He loves her!!

By the way, before Arkadiy and the judge etc entered the courtroom, he had a quick private meeting with her to ask her about Tolek and the ability to get his father’s rights terminated. She said it was possible; the father would have to willingly give up his rights from prison. Dima asked him, what about the law that the SDA quoted that said we could terminate his rights. Arkadiy asked Dima to get him the law that the SDA was going by to him and then he would go from there. As long as he has legal precedent to proceed, he was willing to do it. Dima made some phone calls, but his point person at the SDA had already left to party, this was Christmas Eve for the Ukrainians, so they left early. He phoned Angela who has connections in Donetsk. She is going to investigate for Dima. So Tolek remains in process.

After dropping off Arkadiy, we headed to the orphanage to drop off the gifts I had brought and to speak to the director. We called Oksana to the office, gave her the gifts and explained that we wouldn’t be back for 3 weeks instead of next week because of the glitch with the US Embassy closing until the week of the 23rd at which time I will be in DC for annual board meetings. The plan is that I return on the 28th to come for Oksana and bring her home.

She smiled and was happy. None of the clothing I had brought for her last visit fit, just one sweater. Crumbs!!! I think she wears a size 12, although Valerie has told me this summer she bought her 8’s. Not sure what’s going on there accept she’s growing.  She will be 12 in February, so she’s 6 months older than when she was here last.
I guess they grow up fast!

The director had already left to party, it was 3pm, and asked that we stop by her party to see her. We left the orphanage and drove to the restaurant where she was celebrating Christmas with whoever. I gave her a gift as did Dima and he told her the story about what had happened at court.

She looked intently as he told the story. He was STILL nervous, but Luda calmed him down saying that this judge was really good and understood the “deal” and would be fine.
Dima needed that reassurance; this really shook him up because he could potentially end up in jail. We all hugged and then we jumped in the car and headed back for Donetsk.
Whew!! What drama, Dima says I’m driving him to an early grave. Come on… not miou?????

Ok, finish later, I need to go and find BA airlines so I can check in, it’s about the 2 hour mark before we take off, but want to see if I can change my seat and move up out of the endzone in the back of the plane!