It was such an astonishing thing that happended today, experiencing my youngest daughter feeling “empathy” and actualizing what it means to the point of tears, her tears.
It all started a few days ago when she came to me really upset in her “high” dramatic fashion... “Moooom! (a one syllable word she easily made 4 syllables!) I feel like you love Nikita more than any of us. You treat him so special and you don't do that to the rest of us. Why does he get to sleep in your room still? Yarik was only four when he had to sleep downstairs with Valera. Nikita is already 6!!!” On and on she went. (Need I mention that by the end of the night they ALL end up in my room)
“Well,” I said, “Nikita is a little special honey. You know, all of you children had a little different start in life than Nikita. You see honey, everyone of you had a momma for at least a little while, maybe 2-3 three years. Your mommas fed you, rocked you, and held you most likely. She tried the best she could for you (She understands that Oksana and Valera had different mothers, and she and her siblings all shared the same mommy). But not Nikita. When he was born, his momma left him at the hospital. He then became very ill in the first three months of his life in the hospital. Then he had to have an operation. He was all alone - no one to hold him, feed him, comfort him, tell him he was loved and being cared for, that he would be ok... He just laid in the hospital bed. Then, when he was able to be moved, he was sent to the baby orphanage and nobody held him. He laid in a crib for the first two years of his life. Nobody talked to him, rocked him, or sang to him. You know how your little cousin is just one year old? You held her the other day. Remember how small she is? Imagine if her entire first year of life and then her second year of life if she didn't have the wonderful mommy she has? Imagine if she had no one to hold her all the time, love on her, rock her to sleep, care for her, feed her... all those things she needs so desperately. That's why Nikita didn't speak when he first came. No one ever spoke to him. He didn't know how. I feel like I have to make up for the years he had no one to care for him - to treat him extra special to fill him up for what he missed. I love all of you so much and equally, but he NEVER had anyone from the day he was born.”
The look on her face was one of terrific realization. The words fell on her ears with weight and reality. She twisted her face in a few different ways as she was internalizing what I just shared with her. Then her eyes opened wide and she almost couldn't speak! She wanted to cry.
“Mother!!! Oh my, oh my, no wonder you spoil him. Now I understand. Mom you need to tell everyone in the family. They don't understand. If they knew, Mother, they wouldn't be so mean to him!”
Then today, Diana came to me and said how she showed Nikita kindness all day. She said, “I love him so much and feel so sad for him!” She began to cry, “Mom, I just have to cry when I think about it... That he was all alone and had nobody for so long!” And she continued to cry. She was experiencing empathy and compassion... WOW!!!
Finally, at the end of the day she reported, “Mom, Nikita asked me why I was being so nice to him today. I told him that I heard a story about him when he was little. I tried to tell him, but he didn't understand. So I just said that I love him because he is my little brother.”
Okay, now that brought ME to tears. That she could comprehend what a little one had suffered and not bringing up her own loss or pain trying to minimize his story or trauma. That is unimaginably good news - so much like the gospel! “He who knew no sin became sin for us experiencing all that we would so He could know our suffering and know how to intercede for us.”
I asked her what he meant by wondering why she was being nice to him? Was she normally NOT nice to him? She told me that normally she pinches him or hits him, doesn't share with him when she's mad at him, etc. Surprise to me!!! I knew they quarreled at times but this was sounding as if it was how she related to him most of the time.
Before bed, she came to me after they had been playing following dessert, “Mom, I just love Nikita soooo much! I keep thinking about his story mom and it makes me understand why you treat him the way you do and that he needs that from all of us. He's so cute mom, I just love him!!! You know mom, when you related what he went through to Cora, (her new one year old cousin) I thought of her and then of him, and I could understand. It just makes me want to cry for him. ”
If a nine year old girl can grasp empathy, compassion, and suffering to the point of changing her behavior toward her six year old brother, actually changing the way she sees him... Deciding rather than to be jealous over the “special” attention he receives, but to embrace it and become a part in it, well, that's just the GRACE OF GOD!!! And what a living testimony before my eyes!
I was hit between the eyes thinking... "Where has my complaint been?" as the Psalmist David writes, “Why do my enemies seem to be prospering in their lives and the righteous suffer?” Paraphrase of course....
And then specifically thinking of those who come to my mind that I think don't deserve mercy or grace... How can God not let them reap what they have sewn??!!
All I have to do is look at precious Diana, hear her words, see her response at learning the truth of where her brother has walked (or laid); and see how TRUTH CHANGED HER HEART from one of jealousy, envy, strife, and bitterness to compassion, love, and mercy. She feels compelled to love him!
I need to sit and ponder this. I ask the Father to let me in on where others have walked and why they may behave the way they do toward me or others. I need to realize that the Father knows best how to love them. Perhaps he's “spoiling them” in my eyes in the perfect way they need as I seem to do in what I think is best for my little one.
Astonishing, amazing, revelational moment from a child.....
It all started a few days ago when she came to me really upset in her “high” dramatic fashion... “Moooom! (a one syllable word she easily made 4 syllables!) I feel like you love Nikita more than any of us. You treat him so special and you don't do that to the rest of us. Why does he get to sleep in your room still? Yarik was only four when he had to sleep downstairs with Valera. Nikita is already 6!!!” On and on she went. (Need I mention that by the end of the night they ALL end up in my room)
“Well,” I said, “Nikita is a little special honey. You know, all of you children had a little different start in life than Nikita. You see honey, everyone of you had a momma for at least a little while, maybe 2-3 three years. Your mommas fed you, rocked you, and held you most likely. She tried the best she could for you (She understands that Oksana and Valera had different mothers, and she and her siblings all shared the same mommy). But not Nikita. When he was born, his momma left him at the hospital. He then became very ill in the first three months of his life in the hospital. Then he had to have an operation. He was all alone - no one to hold him, feed him, comfort him, tell him he was loved and being cared for, that he would be ok... He just laid in the hospital bed. Then, when he was able to be moved, he was sent to the baby orphanage and nobody held him. He laid in a crib for the first two years of his life. Nobody talked to him, rocked him, or sang to him. You know how your little cousin is just one year old? You held her the other day. Remember how small she is? Imagine if her entire first year of life and then her second year of life if she didn't have the wonderful mommy she has? Imagine if she had no one to hold her all the time, love on her, rock her to sleep, care for her, feed her... all those things she needs so desperately. That's why Nikita didn't speak when he first came. No one ever spoke to him. He didn't know how. I feel like I have to make up for the years he had no one to care for him - to treat him extra special to fill him up for what he missed. I love all of you so much and equally, but he NEVER had anyone from the day he was born.”
The look on her face was one of terrific realization. The words fell on her ears with weight and reality. She twisted her face in a few different ways as she was internalizing what I just shared with her. Then her eyes opened wide and she almost couldn't speak! She wanted to cry.
“Mother!!! Oh my, oh my, no wonder you spoil him. Now I understand. Mom you need to tell everyone in the family. They don't understand. If they knew, Mother, they wouldn't be so mean to him!”
Then today, Diana came to me and said how she showed Nikita kindness all day. She said, “I love him so much and feel so sad for him!” She began to cry, “Mom, I just have to cry when I think about it... That he was all alone and had nobody for so long!” And she continued to cry. She was experiencing empathy and compassion... WOW!!!
Finally, at the end of the day she reported, “Mom, Nikita asked me why I was being so nice to him today. I told him that I heard a story about him when he was little. I tried to tell him, but he didn't understand. So I just said that I love him because he is my little brother.”
Okay, now that brought ME to tears. That she could comprehend what a little one had suffered and not bringing up her own loss or pain trying to minimize his story or trauma. That is unimaginably good news - so much like the gospel! “He who knew no sin became sin for us experiencing all that we would so He could know our suffering and know how to intercede for us.”
I asked her what he meant by wondering why she was being nice to him? Was she normally NOT nice to him? She told me that normally she pinches him or hits him, doesn't share with him when she's mad at him, etc. Surprise to me!!! I knew they quarreled at times but this was sounding as if it was how she related to him most of the time.
Before bed, she came to me after they had been playing following dessert, “Mom, I just love Nikita soooo much! I keep thinking about his story mom and it makes me understand why you treat him the way you do and that he needs that from all of us. He's so cute mom, I just love him!!! You know mom, when you related what he went through to Cora, (her new one year old cousin) I thought of her and then of him, and I could understand. It just makes me want to cry for him. ”
If a nine year old girl can grasp empathy, compassion, and suffering to the point of changing her behavior toward her six year old brother, actually changing the way she sees him... Deciding rather than to be jealous over the “special” attention he receives, but to embrace it and become a part in it, well, that's just the GRACE OF GOD!!! And what a living testimony before my eyes!
I was hit between the eyes thinking... "Where has my complaint been?" as the Psalmist David writes, “Why do my enemies seem to be prospering in their lives and the righteous suffer?” Paraphrase of course....
And then specifically thinking of those who come to my mind that I think don't deserve mercy or grace... How can God not let them reap what they have sewn??!!
All I have to do is look at precious Diana, hear her words, see her response at learning the truth of where her brother has walked (or laid); and see how TRUTH CHANGED HER HEART from one of jealousy, envy, strife, and bitterness to compassion, love, and mercy. She feels compelled to love him!
I need to sit and ponder this. I ask the Father to let me in on where others have walked and why they may behave the way they do toward me or others. I need to realize that the Father knows best how to love them. Perhaps he's “spoiling them” in my eyes in the perfect way they need as I seem to do in what I think is best for my little one.
Astonishing, amazing, revelational moment from a child.....
RSS Feed