I just arrived from Donetsk, well about an hour and ½ ago, and I thought that the wagons pulled by the tractors were an “antiquated” way of bringing in the luggage? Was I clueless or what??? Wait until I tell you this story. But first, what happened yesterday with Oksana, court and the day....
January 6, 2012 Friday
I was supposed to meet Dima at the airport, and for some reason I got my time mixed up. When I arrived in Munich Thursday, they announced that the time was 6 hours ahead of Eastern Time. I forgot that I gained another hour going to Ukraine from there. So I was sitting in the downstairs restaurant alone having a coffee and bread, when Dima walks in and said, “I told you not to be late!” I had gone to bed around 3am, not able to sleep, jet lag and got up around 7am trying to spend time until I had to meet him at 10:45. I was playing on the IPod, finally getting to know my way around this thing, when he walked in. Oh my, I jumped!
The driver was outside at the airport waiting for us. I ran up to my room, grabbed the gifts for Oksana, Dima, Arkadiy and the orphanage director and headed back downstairs. I forgot all the Christmas cards with our family photo… rats! We hurried to the airport and the driver.
We arrived in Mariupol early because the weather was so good and made the drive easier. It was a pleasant surprise, the temperature was about 40 degrees and we actually saw sun which as Dima had explained is not often visible in the winter in the Ukraine. I was feeling better, he was still jet lagged as had arrived the same day back to the Ukraine from the states as I did, Thursday.
We headed for the grocery store to eat, Dima always wants to do that, it was close to 1pm and we had to meet the Inspector to take him to court with us at 1:30. We knew we wouldn’t eat the rest of the day, bread and butter are not THAT sustaining.
We walked to the Inspector’s office and walked right in, NO waiting in the dark unlit hallway this time. SURPRISE, SURPRISE as Gomer Pilot would say!! (Ok I’m dating myself) He smiled and I handed him his gift. I had quite the time picking out what color of sweater to get him and shirt for layering. Guess what Tex and Wes? I should have gotten one of the beautiful Ralph Lauren winter plaid button downs, he was wearing a plaid!!
He quickly motioned to take the gift away. Dima clued me in, he can’t be seen receiving “gifts” so he asked me to put it in this closet next to his desk, we would talk about it on the street outside his office and the building.
He and Dima reviewed the paperwork for court and drilled me on what to say, how to answer the judge’s questions and what they had decided I was going to say when asked how I met Oksana, how I first found out about her. I was to say that I had gone to the SDA in Kiev for my original appointment and they showed me some files of children and from them, I chose her to go and meet to see if we wanted to adopt her. (Wink, wink)
They gathered up all the paperwork and we headed out to court. A new law had been put in place since the ministry of adoption reopened in early December. Now for ALL adoptions, prosecutor had to be present, so it was VERY important we had our stories straight to avoid complications.
As we approached the building, someone came running across the walk right up to me and gave me a huge bear hug! I had been looking down at my phone and was startled. I wondered who this was but quickly realized it was Oksana. I hadn’t seen her standing at the door behind a tree with the social worker waiting on us to arrive. I thought, “Why is she hugging me so largely, she doesn’t even know me! How could she think she wants to hug me?”
We walked the remainder of the way into the building beside one another. Honestly, I was feeling a bit awkward. I don’t understand how people do true blind adoption. I was a little reserved if you can imagine, questioning her motives. Does she really like me and want us or does she just want out of the Ukraine. As I thought this through, I realized that the rejection of Anastasia still bothered me. I want a child to choose us, not just life in America. I know, I know, the gospel and all that. We love because HE first loved us, God; give me the grace as we go through court today.
It wasn’t at all like this with Valera. He was in our home for 3 ½ weeks last Christmas and for 10 weeks this summer. We had really bonded as a family. I had spent a total of about 20 minutes with Oksana. And that was including the first time I met her and the last trip in December to start her adoption process. I don’t mind saying that it’s a little scary this time around. I have to put in a plug for hosting here again. I understand how much easier it makes the entire process. But we walk by faith and not by sight, so I just keep walking, one foot in front of the other.
We went right to the courtroom, they were ready for us. The judge came in and we all stood. Let me describe the “decorum”. The paint is peeling off the ceilings, the wires are hanging, the light bulbs hanging from wires in some places, furniture is falling apart, the desks look like something out of a schoolroom and yet all the formality and the seriousness of the process is on their faces. I just kept looking around wondering, “What about this picture doesn’t make sense?”
I know I was just here in September for Valera, but it still amazes me. This is normal for them, they don’t’ even notice I’m sure.
The judge started with the proceedings. Dima whispered that this was the head judge and we needed to get it right. Oksana and sat in the front bench with Dima right behind me as my translator. We all identified ourselves and she began reading the petition. She skipped reading me my rights, mentioning that there were many and it was a lengthy document she was skipping over. That was a shock!
Then she got to the part about, “how did I meet Oksana and/or find out about her.” For those of you tuned into the blog, you know that was the trip up at the last meeting at the orphanage when I came in December. I was told to say to the director in front of the Inspector and the Orphanage lawyer that I had hosted her. Remember, that didn’t go over so well, because when they asked Oksana the same question right after they questioned me, she told them she had met me at the orphanage when we were there adopting Valera and was asked if she wanted to be adopted by us. WRONG answer!
I had told Dima that I didn’t want to lie, but the truth was illegal, that put me in a bind. It came out anyway through Oksana, now we had to back paddle. That was then, this was now.
Dima thought he had sufficiently prepared her. When the judge asked her how she met me she said, “Uncle Dima came up to me at the orphanage after I met Deborah and asked me if I wanted to be adopted by her.”
Ok, Dima was whispering to me frantically, “Bummer, ohhhh, bummer, she just screwed up, this is really bad, oh no, this is really really bad!”
The judge looked shocked! She looked over at Dima, than the Inspector who had already exchanged horrified glances over at Dima. He was seated perpendicular to us at a desk with the Social Worker, the prosecutor just in front of us perpendicular in another desk and the judge up front facing all of us. Then she gave me a glare/glance. She figured out I we had lied. She kept looking at me and Dima, I suspect thinking about what to say next.
There was silence in the courtroom for what seemed like an hour but realistically was about 45 seconds as the looks went around the room. I noticed the social worker smiling with her head down. She also knew that there was now a problem but I think she thought it a little comical watching the drama unfolding and the guys reaction. Perhaps she was more confident that the judge would overlook the comment. Or did she enjoy watching them sweat? ☺ She really is a sweetheart though.
The judged asked Oksana one more time how she met me as Dima and Arkadiy exchanged glances again- in total agony, and then both put their heads down. It was just too painful to hear Oksana say it again.
Dima was sweating and whispering that he REALLY needed a smoke about now.
Again silence from the judge. Thank God the prosecutor was new and clueless. What Oksana had just described to the judge was “pre-selection” which is MAJORLY against the law. Sure, all this hosting is ALL about pre-selection, but it’s kind of just ‘understood’ because it comes under the title of “hosting”. But to outright say that she was approached and asked if she wanted to be adopted by Arlin and I basically meant what we had done was anything but legal.
Finally after questioning her AGAIN but in a little different way trying to get Oksana to give a different answer, she managed to smooth over the situation and directed her questions back to me.
Dima didn’t know what to expect, he was really scared the adoption would be interrupted and we wouldn’t get through court. Arkadiy kept rubbing his forehead. I didn’t realize the severity of what had just happened, so I wasn’t as bothered, but I knew there was a glitch.
The judge asked many more questions than the judge we had for Valera’s court. Dima explained later that it was because the prosecutor was present; they had to make a good showing of it all.
Finally after all the questioning of both Oksana and I: How will you communicate with her, how much English does she know, how will you educate her, do you want to adopt more children, how many more, who do you call momma, do you want to be adopted by these people, do you want to live in America, have you been there before, on and on they went… she said OK!!!!
She approved the adoption and it was over. We all stood as she left, but she had a smile on her face, she realized she just saved their @#*$ big time!!!
Arkadiy shot a HUGE grin at Dima, but Dima was still shaking in his shoes and said, “I need to go outside and have a smoke right now!”
We left quickly and quietly, walking out the building as fast as we possibly could.
Dima lit up immediately and so did Arkadiy. They both walked off alone to chat. It wasn’t until they returned that Dima filled me in on the severity of the situation and how bad it could have all turned out, we could have been denied for this. He said, “Deborah, in all my 15 years of doing this, I have never ONCE had this problem, why is always with your adoption???”
Hey, I wasn’t the one who was supposed to prep her! I hugged Oksana as she and the social worker jumped in the car with the driver so he could take them back to the orphanage and return for Dima, the Inspector (Arkadiy) and I.
Then Arkadiy started talking and asked Dima to translate. We walked for a few minutes as he explained what had just happened in there. This was one time I would agree that ignorance IS bliss. If I knew to the degree this was severe, I would have pooped my pants I think!
We dropped Arkadiy off back at his office and his parting words??? Say ‘hello to CeCe for me and give her a kiss for me… that Chula, Chula!” Ok come on now? Didn’t I tell you CeCe had a hand in all this???
He asked me to send him more pictures of him. I told him I had just been over to the breeders because she had a new litter of Yorkies and there was one in the litter, a little male, that was going to be as small as CeCe, would he like to have him? He laughed and said he didn’t have time for a little CeCe, to give it the time it would need, but buy him for CeCe so she can have a boyfriend. So cute of him!! He loves her!!
By the way, before Arkadiy and the judge etc entered the courtroom, he had a quick private meeting with her to ask her about Tolek and the ability to get his father’s rights terminated. She said it was possible; the father would have to willingly give up his rights from prison. Dima asked him, what about the law that the SDA quoted that said we could terminate his rights. Arkadiy asked Dima to get him the law that the SDA was going by to him and then he would go from there. As long as he has legal precedent to proceed, he was willing to do it. Dima made some phone calls, but his point person at the SDA had already left to party, this was Christmas Eve for the Ukrainians, so they left early. He phoned Angela who has connections in Donetsk. She is going to investigate for Dima. So Tolek remains in process.
After dropping off Arkadiy, we headed to the orphanage to drop off the gifts I had brought and to speak to the director. We called Oksana to the office, gave her the gifts and explained that we wouldn’t be back for 3 weeks instead of next week because of the glitch with the US Embassy closing until the week of the 23rd at which time I will be in DC for annual board meetings. The plan is that I return on the 28th to come for Oksana and bring her home.
She smiled and was happy. None of the clothing I had brought for her last visit fit, just one sweater. Crumbs!!! I think she wears a size 12, although Valerie has told me this summer she bought her 8’s. Not sure what’s going on there accept she’s growing. She will be 12 in February, so she’s 6 months older than when she was here last.
I guess they grow up fast!
The director had already left to party, it was 3pm, and asked that we stop by her party to see her. We left the orphanage and drove to the restaurant where she was celebrating Christmas with whoever. I gave her a gift as did Dima and he told her the story about what had happened at court.
She looked intently as he told the story. He was STILL nervous, but Luda calmed him down saying that this judge was really good and understood the “deal” and would be fine.
Dima needed that reassurance; this really shook him up because he could potentially end up in jail. We all hugged and then we jumped in the car and headed back for Donetsk.
Whew!! What drama, Dima says I’m driving him to an early grave. Come on… not miou?????
Ok, finish later, I need to go and find BA airlines so I can check in, it’s about the 2 hour mark before we take off, but want to see if I can change my seat and move up out of the endzone in the back of the plane!
January 6, 2012 Friday
I was supposed to meet Dima at the airport, and for some reason I got my time mixed up. When I arrived in Munich Thursday, they announced that the time was 6 hours ahead of Eastern Time. I forgot that I gained another hour going to Ukraine from there. So I was sitting in the downstairs restaurant alone having a coffee and bread, when Dima walks in and said, “I told you not to be late!” I had gone to bed around 3am, not able to sleep, jet lag and got up around 7am trying to spend time until I had to meet him at 10:45. I was playing on the IPod, finally getting to know my way around this thing, when he walked in. Oh my, I jumped!
The driver was outside at the airport waiting for us. I ran up to my room, grabbed the gifts for Oksana, Dima, Arkadiy and the orphanage director and headed back downstairs. I forgot all the Christmas cards with our family photo… rats! We hurried to the airport and the driver.
We arrived in Mariupol early because the weather was so good and made the drive easier. It was a pleasant surprise, the temperature was about 40 degrees and we actually saw sun which as Dima had explained is not often visible in the winter in the Ukraine. I was feeling better, he was still jet lagged as had arrived the same day back to the Ukraine from the states as I did, Thursday.
We headed for the grocery store to eat, Dima always wants to do that, it was close to 1pm and we had to meet the Inspector to take him to court with us at 1:30. We knew we wouldn’t eat the rest of the day, bread and butter are not THAT sustaining.
We walked to the Inspector’s office and walked right in, NO waiting in the dark unlit hallway this time. SURPRISE, SURPRISE as Gomer Pilot would say!! (Ok I’m dating myself) He smiled and I handed him his gift. I had quite the time picking out what color of sweater to get him and shirt for layering. Guess what Tex and Wes? I should have gotten one of the beautiful Ralph Lauren winter plaid button downs, he was wearing a plaid!!
He quickly motioned to take the gift away. Dima clued me in, he can’t be seen receiving “gifts” so he asked me to put it in this closet next to his desk, we would talk about it on the street outside his office and the building.
He and Dima reviewed the paperwork for court and drilled me on what to say, how to answer the judge’s questions and what they had decided I was going to say when asked how I met Oksana, how I first found out about her. I was to say that I had gone to the SDA in Kiev for my original appointment and they showed me some files of children and from them, I chose her to go and meet to see if we wanted to adopt her. (Wink, wink)
They gathered up all the paperwork and we headed out to court. A new law had been put in place since the ministry of adoption reopened in early December. Now for ALL adoptions, prosecutor had to be present, so it was VERY important we had our stories straight to avoid complications.
As we approached the building, someone came running across the walk right up to me and gave me a huge bear hug! I had been looking down at my phone and was startled. I wondered who this was but quickly realized it was Oksana. I hadn’t seen her standing at the door behind a tree with the social worker waiting on us to arrive. I thought, “Why is she hugging me so largely, she doesn’t even know me! How could she think she wants to hug me?”
We walked the remainder of the way into the building beside one another. Honestly, I was feeling a bit awkward. I don’t understand how people do true blind adoption. I was a little reserved if you can imagine, questioning her motives. Does she really like me and want us or does she just want out of the Ukraine. As I thought this through, I realized that the rejection of Anastasia still bothered me. I want a child to choose us, not just life in America. I know, I know, the gospel and all that. We love because HE first loved us, God; give me the grace as we go through court today.
It wasn’t at all like this with Valera. He was in our home for 3 ½ weeks last Christmas and for 10 weeks this summer. We had really bonded as a family. I had spent a total of about 20 minutes with Oksana. And that was including the first time I met her and the last trip in December to start her adoption process. I don’t mind saying that it’s a little scary this time around. I have to put in a plug for hosting here again. I understand how much easier it makes the entire process. But we walk by faith and not by sight, so I just keep walking, one foot in front of the other.
We went right to the courtroom, they were ready for us. The judge came in and we all stood. Let me describe the “decorum”. The paint is peeling off the ceilings, the wires are hanging, the light bulbs hanging from wires in some places, furniture is falling apart, the desks look like something out of a schoolroom and yet all the formality and the seriousness of the process is on their faces. I just kept looking around wondering, “What about this picture doesn’t make sense?”
I know I was just here in September for Valera, but it still amazes me. This is normal for them, they don’t’ even notice I’m sure.
The judge started with the proceedings. Dima whispered that this was the head judge and we needed to get it right. Oksana and sat in the front bench with Dima right behind me as my translator. We all identified ourselves and she began reading the petition. She skipped reading me my rights, mentioning that there were many and it was a lengthy document she was skipping over. That was a shock!
Then she got to the part about, “how did I meet Oksana and/or find out about her.” For those of you tuned into the blog, you know that was the trip up at the last meeting at the orphanage when I came in December. I was told to say to the director in front of the Inspector and the Orphanage lawyer that I had hosted her. Remember, that didn’t go over so well, because when they asked Oksana the same question right after they questioned me, she told them she had met me at the orphanage when we were there adopting Valera and was asked if she wanted to be adopted by us. WRONG answer!
I had told Dima that I didn’t want to lie, but the truth was illegal, that put me in a bind. It came out anyway through Oksana, now we had to back paddle. That was then, this was now.
Dima thought he had sufficiently prepared her. When the judge asked her how she met me she said, “Uncle Dima came up to me at the orphanage after I met Deborah and asked me if I wanted to be adopted by her.”
Ok, Dima was whispering to me frantically, “Bummer, ohhhh, bummer, she just screwed up, this is really bad, oh no, this is really really bad!”
The judge looked shocked! She looked over at Dima, than the Inspector who had already exchanged horrified glances over at Dima. He was seated perpendicular to us at a desk with the Social Worker, the prosecutor just in front of us perpendicular in another desk and the judge up front facing all of us. Then she gave me a glare/glance. She figured out I we had lied. She kept looking at me and Dima, I suspect thinking about what to say next.
There was silence in the courtroom for what seemed like an hour but realistically was about 45 seconds as the looks went around the room. I noticed the social worker smiling with her head down. She also knew that there was now a problem but I think she thought it a little comical watching the drama unfolding and the guys reaction. Perhaps she was more confident that the judge would overlook the comment. Or did she enjoy watching them sweat? ☺ She really is a sweetheart though.
The judged asked Oksana one more time how she met me as Dima and Arkadiy exchanged glances again- in total agony, and then both put their heads down. It was just too painful to hear Oksana say it again.
Dima was sweating and whispering that he REALLY needed a smoke about now.
Again silence from the judge. Thank God the prosecutor was new and clueless. What Oksana had just described to the judge was “pre-selection” which is MAJORLY against the law. Sure, all this hosting is ALL about pre-selection, but it’s kind of just ‘understood’ because it comes under the title of “hosting”. But to outright say that she was approached and asked if she wanted to be adopted by Arlin and I basically meant what we had done was anything but legal.
Finally after questioning her AGAIN but in a little different way trying to get Oksana to give a different answer, she managed to smooth over the situation and directed her questions back to me.
Dima didn’t know what to expect, he was really scared the adoption would be interrupted and we wouldn’t get through court. Arkadiy kept rubbing his forehead. I didn’t realize the severity of what had just happened, so I wasn’t as bothered, but I knew there was a glitch.
The judge asked many more questions than the judge we had for Valera’s court. Dima explained later that it was because the prosecutor was present; they had to make a good showing of it all.
Finally after all the questioning of both Oksana and I: How will you communicate with her, how much English does she know, how will you educate her, do you want to adopt more children, how many more, who do you call momma, do you want to be adopted by these people, do you want to live in America, have you been there before, on and on they went… she said OK!!!!
She approved the adoption and it was over. We all stood as she left, but she had a smile on her face, she realized she just saved their @#*$ big time!!!
Arkadiy shot a HUGE grin at Dima, but Dima was still shaking in his shoes and said, “I need to go outside and have a smoke right now!”
We left quickly and quietly, walking out the building as fast as we possibly could.
Dima lit up immediately and so did Arkadiy. They both walked off alone to chat. It wasn’t until they returned that Dima filled me in on the severity of the situation and how bad it could have all turned out, we could have been denied for this. He said, “Deborah, in all my 15 years of doing this, I have never ONCE had this problem, why is always with your adoption???”
Hey, I wasn’t the one who was supposed to prep her! I hugged Oksana as she and the social worker jumped in the car with the driver so he could take them back to the orphanage and return for Dima, the Inspector (Arkadiy) and I.
Then Arkadiy started talking and asked Dima to translate. We walked for a few minutes as he explained what had just happened in there. This was one time I would agree that ignorance IS bliss. If I knew to the degree this was severe, I would have pooped my pants I think!
We dropped Arkadiy off back at his office and his parting words??? Say ‘hello to CeCe for me and give her a kiss for me… that Chula, Chula!” Ok come on now? Didn’t I tell you CeCe had a hand in all this???
He asked me to send him more pictures of him. I told him I had just been over to the breeders because she had a new litter of Yorkies and there was one in the litter, a little male, that was going to be as small as CeCe, would he like to have him? He laughed and said he didn’t have time for a little CeCe, to give it the time it would need, but buy him for CeCe so she can have a boyfriend. So cute of him!! He loves her!!
By the way, before Arkadiy and the judge etc entered the courtroom, he had a quick private meeting with her to ask her about Tolek and the ability to get his father’s rights terminated. She said it was possible; the father would have to willingly give up his rights from prison. Dima asked him, what about the law that the SDA quoted that said we could terminate his rights. Arkadiy asked Dima to get him the law that the SDA was going by to him and then he would go from there. As long as he has legal precedent to proceed, he was willing to do it. Dima made some phone calls, but his point person at the SDA had already left to party, this was Christmas Eve for the Ukrainians, so they left early. He phoned Angela who has connections in Donetsk. She is going to investigate for Dima. So Tolek remains in process.
After dropping off Arkadiy, we headed to the orphanage to drop off the gifts I had brought and to speak to the director. We called Oksana to the office, gave her the gifts and explained that we wouldn’t be back for 3 weeks instead of next week because of the glitch with the US Embassy closing until the week of the 23rd at which time I will be in DC for annual board meetings. The plan is that I return on the 28th to come for Oksana and bring her home.
She smiled and was happy. None of the clothing I had brought for her last visit fit, just one sweater. Crumbs!!! I think she wears a size 12, although Valerie has told me this summer she bought her 8’s. Not sure what’s going on there accept she’s growing. She will be 12 in February, so she’s 6 months older than when she was here last.
I guess they grow up fast!
The director had already left to party, it was 3pm, and asked that we stop by her party to see her. We left the orphanage and drove to the restaurant where she was celebrating Christmas with whoever. I gave her a gift as did Dima and he told her the story about what had happened at court.
She looked intently as he told the story. He was STILL nervous, but Luda calmed him down saying that this judge was really good and understood the “deal” and would be fine.
Dima needed that reassurance; this really shook him up because he could potentially end up in jail. We all hugged and then we jumped in the car and headed back for Donetsk.
Whew!! What drama, Dima says I’m driving him to an early grave. Come on… not miou?????
Ok, finish later, I need to go and find BA airlines so I can check in, it’s about the 2 hour mark before we take off, but want to see if I can change my seat and move up out of the endzone in the back of the plane!
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