Due to the nature of sensitivity of the information that I shared last, I removed it... Court went well, I return for Oksana end of January as the US Embassy is closed because they are moving the week I was supposed to get her. Feel for her having to wait another 3 weeks, but she is happy. Valera can't wait for her to get here!!!
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I have to finish the last trip story, but before I do I need to get this down. I arrived here in Donetsk about an hour ago. It was quite a harrowing trip. Total of 22 hours to get here this time and I still have to travel to the orphanage tomorrow.
Arlin drove me to Dulles early because we had to drop off Ruslan, his flight left an hour before me. I didn’t want to get there any earlier than I had to, but we did. I helped Maggie get all the kids lined up and through security, all 29 of the, passports, boarding cards from Dulles to Frankfurt and then on to Kiev. And all their stuff!! You’ve never seen so many back packs stuffed to the gills, duffle bags, suitcases, I mean what are they doing, bringing everything but the kitchen sink back?? Tons of food, poor things, they don’t get it there. Julia’s 4 large $5 dollar peanut butter jars got taken out of her suitcase and she had to ditch them. Maggie says they LOVE peanut butter over there. I actually boarded the same time the kids did on my plane the next gate over. Their flight had so many delays; they couldn’t get the bathrooms on their plane to work. My plane was FULL, no extra room there, that’s for sure. And the woman that sat next to me reminded me of the woman in the Sound of Music who won an award, remember when the Von Tropp family was singing and they handed out the awards, and there was that one woman and she kept bowing to the host, Max and to the audience and back and forth??? Yeah, well, her twin sat next to me for 9 hours!! Entertaining to say the least, I had to load all her movies. Each time I watched a movie she, in German, wanted to see the same one I just saw and I had to load it for her and she laughed out loud, cried, sighed, kept smiling and shaking her head at me as if I knew what the hay she was saying… and she was up and down quite a bit, which was good, got me up and out of my seat. Other than the almost crash landing in this airbus, the flight was uneventful. Yes, I did say almost. I gotta tell you, it’s the first time the captain of a flight ever said over the PA system, “Well…. (Pause) we landed safely.” What? No, thanks for traveling with us, have a good trip, happy New Year, just, “Well, we landed safely”???I think he was as shaken up as the rest of the plane that applauded when we did finally land. The guy in front of me wretched for 30 minutes during the ordeal, I think he used his buddy’s barf bag as well, he lost every meal he ate on the plane that’s for sure. And the others that also pulled out their bags, I just closed my eyes, held on to my neck pillow and quoted Psalms, “Blessed is the name of the Lord, forget not all His benefits, he forgives all my sin and heals all my disease!” I knew I was going to heaven so whatever! The pilot had warned us 45 minutes out, he wanted everyone seated seats up, tray tables up, seat belts “tight”, all flight attendants sitting and buckled in, we were in for a ride, heavy, high winds in Munich. We rocked and rolled for the entire time, the child a few rows back enjoyed the roller coaster, the adults who knew better were quiet. The first approach, he let the wheels down, you’re just praying waiting to hear the sound of those wheels touchdown, hoping its any minute. You hear the engines back down like they do right before the plane hits and then the pilot went full throttle and pulled up!! That was a shocker! He came over the PA and said the winds were too strong and shifting, he couldn’t land, and we would be circling around and making another attempt at approaching and landing. I didn’t like the choice of words… attempt. Leaves it open ended you know? For Pete’s sake, there’s a jack hammer working down the hall from my room, they are still building the place I am staying in next to the airport. Can I have some peace here? It’s 5pm and I’m ready for bed, did not sleep a wink on the overnight flight. We made the landing, thank God! Everyone clapped and cheered, is that a good thing? Two hour layover in Munich, gates changed 3 times, and then off on a regional to Donetsk. Now I was REALLY praying. The winds were so strong they were rocking the plane as we were boarding (remember, we walk to the plane and stand while everyone climbs up the stairs to the plane in that wind and freezing rain, no jet bridges here) and the engine was turning with this noise like it needed to be oiled. These journeys take faith, that’s for sure. The woman next to me, well, let’s just say she hadn’t seen a shower in a week. Who wants to eat? And I was told that Lufthansa DOES bring the luggage inside and load it on a conveyor, it’s only Ukrainian airlines that throw it on wagons and pull it up to the doors with tractors. WRONG… I found mine pretty quickly and drug it in from the freezing rain, snow, and mud. Lovely. Lord, but I’m here in my room. Although if truly the hotel is only walking distance, why did I go out a buy a suitcase with 4 wheels on the bottom? Who’s rolling anything over here? There was no rolling my suitcase the easy way because there is no smooth paved road, it’s gravel, pot holes, mud, snow, puddles of dirty water as it’s raining and it’s freezing turning to ice and snow… I carried the stupid thing and my laptop most the way! Wait until I speak to Dima next, “it’s walking distance Deborah” yeah, if you’re in combat boots and army fatigues! But I’m here in my little cubbie hole, only took an hour to check in, and I was the only one in line, tells how that conversation went. Not the same when Dima’s around. He flies in from Kiev tomorrow, I have to –oh wait what? – WALK to the airport to meet him. Ya think you can have the driver pick me up? Uneventful trip as usual. We finally arrive back at our hotel, famished, parched and ready to eat dinner. The only place is in the restaurant where we were told they were having a party that night and why we had moved my room from one side of the hotel above the “party room” to the other. I had a small box of a room, and it was less expensive. But, my, all that schlepping for what? Turns out the party cancelled, so that’s where we had dinner. Neither of us wanted any entertainment, food please and leave us alone!! Well, about 15 minutes after we arrive, so does Casanova. Are you kidding me???? Live entertainment, this guy should NOT give up his day job by any means. We just looked at each other across the table, not able to recount the day’s activities, the progress we had made or review any plans because this “modern day Louie” was singing and SO LOUD! The room was by No means large, so cool it for Pete’s sake, and give us a break!
We couldn’t get any service; Dima was past patience and ready to go without leaving a tip. And the food was not as we remembered back in September. I asked if they had gotten a new chef, and of course, they had. Oh well, we needed sleep. Up early, same gang at breakfast, had they learned their lesson? Not too much smoking at that hour. We ate and met the driver, had to be at Oksana’s orphanage by 8am to see the doctor to get some medical info that the inspector insisted on. We left there, headed to inspectors’ office and guess what???!! YES! We sat outside in the dark hallway for I don’t remember how long!!! We had a driver to catch to bring us back to Donetsk, a 2 ½ hour drive back and a plane to catch! Plus we had to go by Tolek’s orphanage, and before that stop at the grocery store to pick up fruit etc for that orphanage. Arkadiy was pleasant as always and when we left his bulding for the court house. He took us over for our paperwork, which was unusual, there was NOONE there! They were having some kind of celebration and we were so disappointed, that meant we couldn’t file, oh no!! But, he told us to guess what folks??? Are there only dark hallways in these buildings or what??? Yes, we sat and he told us to keep our mouths shut basically, we couldn’t talk, and he walked from door to door popping his head in until he finally disappeared into a room. He returned later to ‘wink’ (eewwww, Dima had the heebies, I was laughing my head off!) and nodded to follow him. He was able to get them to take the paperwork even though they were partying, and we left. Once outside the courthouse, he chatted more freely. When he said ‘good-bye’ you know what his parting words were? “CeCe, Chula, Chula, Chula, sooo cute!!!” Yep, that’s it folks, for those who think my 3 pound dog is a joke, hey, she’s working it here! :) I have to get him one if we get Tolek, that’s in the plan already. We walked to the grocery store, ran around crazy, Dima for the fruit, me for the gifts for Tolek, and together we picked out the best chocolates for the orphanage director. My adrenaline is running now as I am anxious to meet Tolek and nervous what his response to Valera’s new mother is going to be, making me his step-mom. We arrive at his orphanage; it is definitely different from any we have been to. You can tell that it is for the younger children, I think the age range is 2 or 3-7 at which time you get moved to where Valera was. That’s why they were separated 3 months after they were orphaned and Valera moved to another orphanage. We were led thru what I presume was the doctor’s office, oh my, it looked more like one of those experimental places, sorry to be so blunt, but nothing homey, comfy, or inviting there for sure! Once in the director’s office, I was feeling a bit calmer, but still nervous. What was she thinking? We presented the gifts, and she was very thankful. She is young, that was surprising, the other directors were all so much older. Dima told me she used to be head of the athletics and an athlete herself, but got hurt and somehow became a director. She was very nice, especially after receiving her chocolates. They went for Tolek…. In walks this little tyke, skinny, shy, and just too darn cute!! Like Valera had told me, “he so cute mum, he looks lika me momma, he so cute yoa gonna lika him mum I knowa.” The director explained who we were, more importantly that I was Valera’s mother and he just looked at me. He was seated next to me and I couldn’t resist putting my hand on his back and hugging him, he is just adorable. He has the skinniest legs and arms I had ever seen, it was too funny the way his little legs stuck out of his shorts, but then, what was he eating? As I pulled out each gift, Dima translated and was also filming! You go Dima, his first live camera video “gig’! At least with me… Tolek opened his card that had stickers where you had to make a snowman on the opposite page, and as the director explained to him what to do, he said, “I know what to do with this!” SOOO much like Valera, that bold personality and only 5 years old! Then I handed him the battery operated toothbrush that had a soccer ball on it. Well, that won the day! He wasn’t going to get to more gifts; he was so enthralled with this gadget! He kept turning it on and smiling, he was too precious. Then I handed him the car, a red engine kind of thing, and he said that was his favorite one. I had Dima translate that Valera had said not to let anyone else play with it so they did not break it or take it from him. He nodded understanding the advice his “older” brother was sending, and smiled. But, he kept returning to the toothbrush, automation fascinates them over there, they don’t have battery operated things, and they can’t afford batteries. That was one of the unusual things we noticed when the sibs and Valera left last Christmas, they had taken all the batteries out of all the toys they were given and put them in their duffle bags to take back. Amazing the things we take for granted isn’t it? We had coordinated with Arlin the time we thought we would be with Tolek for him to wake Valera at home to speak with his brother. It was 2:30am his time when he called. We held the phone up to Tolek as the director told him it was Valera calling from America, and when Tolek heard Valera’s voice, he just put his head down and had giant crocodile tears in his eyes and he began to cry. It broke my heart!! The director told us that they are concerned for Tolek as he dreams of Valera often and misses him terribly, talking about him all the time etc. They were really close, they were e all each other had in the world at 5 years and 6 years old when they were orphaned, and then to be separated 3 months later, that’s a scary thing! He couldn’t speak, she kept encouraging him to say hello to Valera, and Valera- that stink- he didn’t want to wake up, I mean, when he’s tired and sleeping, DO NOT disturb him! I could hear Arlin doing what he could to make Valera understand the urgency of waking up, the fact we had Tolek on the other line and NOW! It was not a good connection, and it was hard to hear, Valera was crying and so was Tolek, but we did what we could to connect the two. The really good news is that the director said she had tried twice already to terminate the rights of the father so the boys could be adopted together because she knows they should be together, but she was denied. That was before Valera became available though, so our hope is since we ALREADY have her approval which is needed, and her support, and that of Arkadiy’s, we will be able to get the rights terminated and bring Tolek home. Of course, that means ANOTHER dossier, more trips to the Ukraine, and the saga goes on. We had a very productive visit in my estimation with the director and an initial introduction to Tolek. I gave him a stack of pictures of Valera. We went through them one by one. He asked half way through where was the horse? What we realized is that the “grandmother” had taken a picture out of the photo album we had given Valera that had a picture with him and Cookie, the miniature horse on the B&B and given it to Tolek. We had more of Valera and the horse. It was just priceless to watch the expressions on his face as he looked at his brother in his new home and surroundings. We didn’t dare mention adoption, but something about him coming to America. We had to be careful because when the grandmother gets wind that we have been there, she is going to raise havoc, that’s for sure. The director told us she visits regularly, but she can hardly walk, she has someone bring her. On the one hand, I feel sorry for her, these two boys are all she has in the world, but she doesn’t have the means to raise them or care for them. She is trying to get the judge to release her son in prison using the boys as an excuse that the father needs to support them. Now, of course, there is only Tolek. Although on paper she has no rights to him, she can hold up his adoption for months. Oh Lord!! Only He knows what the outcome is to be. Go to Facebook and see his pictures. I have to go to bed; will finish the rest of the story tomorrow. Night night… Saturday 9:00 Munich
(Disclaimer: for those weak at heart for details, just skim it- Emmy and Wesley. I have a 3 hour layover and nothing to do, so hang in there for those looking for a good read) Perfect time to catch you up on the last 3 days. Accept, I have to add, I just bought a latte and a croissant, a whopping $12. They're killing me with these prices over here. When I had a layover in Frankfurt on the way over, it was $5.00 for a bottle of water! Ok, snuggled on a nice bench with coffee and croissant…. Wednesday whatever day that was, I didn’t get to bed until 5am, I couldn’t sleep, so I read a 417 page book until my eyes were blurred and I finished. I skyped Dima to wake me at 12pm if I wasn’t up so I could shower, pack and be ready to go to the SDA, and pick up paperwork to fly out that night with him to Donetsk. Got up about 11:30am, showered and went back to bed, I was tired. Woke up about 2pm, Dima was meeting me at 4. It was dark when we left the apartment around 3:45 to walk to the SDA he was a little early. I couldn’t believe the line of people waiting there for their paperwork, Canadians, Italians, Americans, Europeans, I mean there was a huge group of people standing outside the door waiting to get in. It was cold and rainy, but they don’t let you in the building which looks like a back alley joint, until they are ready to receive you. I know, what’s up with that, where’s the lobby? Not… At least you can watch the guys working on the church next door; they’ve made progress since my last time here in September. Dima is always so funny, he is just waiting for me to demand more out of him, ask more questions, pushing the envelope on what’s ‘allowed, legal’ etc towards adopting Tolek, the sibs, whoever is on my heart and mind at the moment besides the one that I’m actually there for that to this point seemed to be going well. And not to disappoint him, I began pushing about Tolek, getting his father’s rights terminated, adopting him, because I had new information which was what I obtained from the lawyer Eugene in the Odessa region, which was, if the orphanage director and/or the inspector filed the petition to terminate, than it could be done. Dima kept insisting it was illegal, could not be done, didn’t I remember what the SDA and the inspector in Mariupol had insisted on last visit? But, things change constantly over here; they can’t keep up on the laws themselves, so I had to push. He said, “Deborah, you’re going to have 2, isn’t that enough? What do you want with another one!!?” Ok Dima, personal comments aside, this is Valera’s brother, he has been begging us to do whatever we could to get him, and it’s his LITTLE brother on top of it, so he feels responsible for him, he knows that Tolek has no one accept for the grandmother who is very old, can barely walk, who tried to keep Valera in the Ukraine. She is Tolek’s grandmother, mother to his father, no relation to Valera. I also wanted to know if there was any way I could get a court date for next week, in which case I wouldn’t fly home on the 17th, I wouldn’t come home until the 23rd. Dima asked the girl we got the papers from , she is so cute, I wanted to take her home, same gal there as last time, I asked if she was married, if not I had some single friends back home. She laughed! She’s married. She checked again on the Tolek thing and this time she said that if the Inspector filed the petition, it was possible to sever the father’s rights!!! Yippee!!! Hope for him and Valera. Then he called another woman out and they had a hush hush conversation in the stairwell about getting the paperwork signed so I could have court next week. She told him that it was not going well at all with the new ministry and that the best thing I could do was try to schedule it for January 6th at the earliest. What a disappointment that was. That means 2 more trips back, one for court and one after the 10 day wait to finalize and bring Oksana home unless I want to be here for 3 weeks. I don’t think so. We got the papers; these allow us to travel to the orphanage, went to dinner, back to the apartment, picked up our luggage and headed out with the driver to the airport to fly to Donetsk. We had a late flight, 9:30 to arrive at 10:30. It was delayed for fog, which meant instead of getting into Mariupol at 1:30am, it was going to be late, and we had to be at the Inspector’s office the next day at 8am. These people, is there no rest for the weary? This process is not for the faint at heart I assure you. True to form, we arrived around 11:30 to Donetsk, but wait, where’s the luggage? Oh, I know, I see the wagons pulled by 2 little tractors with piles of what looks like, no it can’t be, is that our luggage piled up on those wagons???? We’re all standing outside the building in the freezing rain as Dima informs me that it IS our luggage! It’s a freaking free for all!!! Everyone mass herded around the wagons, pushing, shoving, screaming, and fighting to get to their luggage, throwing bags around… last time I checked they had inside delivery on conveyor belts, someone needs to clue these people in!!! Thank the Lord I was using Maggie's RED bag, we were able to locate our bags after watching the wolfs attack the two wagons and get theirs first. It does pay to “defer to the weaker”…? We arrived close to 2am in Mariupol; the drive took longer because the fog was so bad. We made it to bed around 2:30am or so. Up at 6am to repack everything to take the clothes and items Maggie had sent along with us, packages, letters, candy, etc, a duffle bag full to bring to various children. Poor Dima was dying at breakfast. He was so tired he could barely speak. We had breakfast in a smoke filled room, these Ukrainians, smoking is their past time. I looked at all the German’s in the room and others and gave a little ‘cut to the throat’ motion with the smoking already. They just looked at me and laughed. Ok guys, than to adjust for the obnoxious smoke I have to put up with at breakfast, YOU get to hear my Christmas music!! I pulled out my IPod and put on my Christmas music FULL BLAST at the table. Simultaneously, every table of guys (I was the only woman in the room) turned and looked at me annoyed to the hilt with their cigarettes in one hand. I smiled largely, put up my hands and waved, “Merry Christmas” I said with a big as Dallas smile! They looked at each other, “checkmate my friends”. Dima was way too tired to protest my shenanigans. J We rushed to the Inspectors office on foot, at least got some fresh air, although it is much colder in this region than it was in Kiev. We rushed only to sit in the dark hallway for almost 2 hours waiting for him!! We were upset, but, you have to smile, oblige and suck it up because they run the show. I love this guy, the inspector; he’s gay, high drama and just plain hilarious really. I told Dima, “tell him that I love his new hairdo, really, he’ll love the compliment, like women, men love it too you know” He’s like “oh come on Deborah, you have to be kidding me?” “Dima just tell him ok!” So he did and Arketi smiled and looked down at his work saying that he hadn’t had time to get to the hairdresser. “Dima tell him that it’s ok, I like it longer, he looks so much more handsome” Dima about threw up with all this! Come on... just tell him. He did and Arketi smiled and nodded. He ate it up. Remember, this is the guy with all the power to free Tolek for adoption. Every time he looked up and smiled with a wink at Dima, Dima almost lost it. I told him, just humor him with a respectful nod back, that’s all, it doesn’t mean anything, quit creeping out! He asked about Valera and how he was doing at which time I pulled out my iphone to show him some pictures. The last one was of Valera with CeCe in front of the Christmas tree with their Santa hats on that Eileen had given them. Arketi went nuts over, NOT Valera but CeCe!! She saved the day once more! He asked all about her and was saying how cute she is and making the biggest fuss which caused me to default to the “CeCe” photo gallery and all her outfits!! Oh what fun we had discussing her outfits and just how adorable she is, hey, it takes all kinds, and this did the trick. “We’ve connected Houston” I thought to myself, Yippee!!! Then I began to push about Tolek, no time like the present, he loves me! He began pouring out info, the director last time was furious with Arlin and Dima that they didn’t come by the orphanage with Valera to say good-bye to his brother before he left the Ukraine for good. The inspector called the orphanage and got the director on the phone and asked if we could come and visit Tolek. She agreed on one condition, we had to bring fruit, juice, candy and gifts for the kids, not the ENTIRE orphanage, just Tolek’s class. We planned that we would do this Friday morning, before we left for Kiev and after our morning meetings with the nurse at the other orphanage… well, that comes later in the story. We finally got all our ducks in a row and headed out with Arketi and the driver to Oksana’s orphanage. We went into the director’s office with the orphanage lawyer, and the caretaker and they began to ask me questions. How did I meet Oksana? Did I host her? What did I think of her? Etc… I kept looking across the table at Dima for help. All my answers to these questions were illegal, how was I supposed to answer. Dima had briefed me at breakfast telling me to say that I hosted her. Well how could I say that, I didn’t and what if Oksana when asked said she was NOT hosted by me… dilemma!!!! And sure enough, it happened. Dima quickly recovered saying that we met while she was being hosted by another family. The director gave me that ‘high Hitler” look, pretty scary. I just nodded and smiled sheepishly. (Oh brother!!!) They brought in Oksana, the moment I had been anticipating with fear, what if she didn’t like me? What if she didn’t want to come with me or for me to be her mother? What if I didn’t feel a connection like I did with the sibs? She ran right over to me and immediately gave me a big hug! I was shocked, surprised, and relieved all at the same time. Whew, made it through the initial shock of seeing her after only having met her for 2 minutes back in September. She sat down and her little hands were shaking tremendously. She was so nervous. The questioning started. The director asked if she wanted to go to America to which she said yes, but when asked if she wanted to be adopted she said she didn’t know, she had to think about it. WHAT?????!!!!! Dima and I looked across the table at one another in shock! What do you mean you don’t know? The lawyer questioned her further, and then the director again. Oksana said she needed a day to think about it. Well, we didn’t HAVE a day. If we didn’t immediately start processing the paper work that would take all of Thursday and most of Friday to complete, we both HAD to be back in Kiev Friday night so we could catch our planes back to the states at 4am, Dima taking over 56 kids on these flights; there was NO WAY this was going to happen. The director said Oksana needed to spend time with the family. I looked around, last time I checked, that family was just ME. They herded us out of the room, Dima, me, the orphanage lawyer and the caretaker. My mind was racing; Dima didn’t want me to say anything. But now what? They took us to a room, looked like a classroom for teaching children with special needs. We all sat down and no one said anything, awkward to say the least! They then told Oksana to ask me questions. The poor thing, I could tell she felt so uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say. I certainly didn’t want to push her. I was reeling in my own mind at this point thinking I can’t go through this another time!! Was it my outfit, my hair, my makeup, or what????? After much talking between the lawyer, Dima, and the caretaker, she smiled and said she was afraid, she didn’t know the language and would she be able to learn English, and some other fears, another being fear of the director, wanting to please her and say what she thought the director, Lyudmila (Lord the name itself evokes fear!) what she might say to Oksana. After 45 minutes, she gathered the strength to say ‘yes’ she did want to be adopted and would return and tell the Inspector and the Director with the lawyer present. They needed verbal acknowledgement before all of these officials before we could start paperwork there. As soon as she said yes everyone breathed a sigh of relief. She was taken out of the room to return to class and the papers started flying!!! We walked the inspector out to the driver, got him off to his office and returned inside the orphanage for 4 more hours doing paperwork to complete and have returned to Arketi by the end of the day, which didn’t come until 6pm!! We had breakfast at 7:15am and didn’t manage to eat OR DRINK a thing until we got back to our hotel at 6pm. You can’t drink their water, it’s all contaminated with cholera, so if you don’t have it on you, you’re out of luck, but we had absolutely NO time to stop for anything. We left the orphanage with the ‘goods’ and had the notary waiting on us. The driver took us to that office; I waited in the car…. For 30 minutes while Dima did his thing. From there to the bank, then attorney’s office, then another office, I forget how many now. We made it back to the Inspector’s office by 4pm to get everything submitted to him so he could take us to court the next day and submit. We had to wait for him for an hour, Dima was fuming! Finally got in to see him only to find out that we didn’t have all the doctor’s notes we needed on her paperwork. Oh LORD!! Another trip back to the orphanage but had to be in the morning as the doctor had left for the day already. Papers flying back and forth for the next 90, minutes, what an ordeal this is. I had never been included in on the process; Dima would always drop us off at the hotel or send us back while he worked his ‘magic’ so I always missed this part. I don’t know how he does it; I’ve never seen so many papers!!!! You’d think I was releasing Gandhi from prison or something, come on folks, it’s a simple adoption of a child here, not some international act of asylum! We were able to secure a time to go to Tolek’s orphanage for Friday morning. But man, did we have a tight schedule for the next day. After we finally got everything we needed from Arketi, we headed downstairs to make copies of all these documents!!! And folks, we’re not talking Staples here, new machines, set the stack of papers in and press a button. ONE AT A TIME HAND PUT DOWN ON THE GLASS!!!! OMG!! That took an hour with everyone in line behind us giving us dirty looks, but we weren’t in the “oh you only have a few documents, go ahead” mood at this time. We were on a mission; they would just have to wait. We finished at 6pm, picked up our stuff and walked across the street to get water and a snack, then walked back to the hotel. I will tell you about our eventful dinner later, I need to go. Arrived in the Ukraine Monday around 1:30pm. The flights were not fun. I was on a 757 which did not have personal TV screens, just one big one in the isle and it had horrible shows on. I mean horrible. Not to mention, there were at least 5 screaming babies and toddlers all around me. I didn’t say a word, but the woman on my row going to Latvia via Frankfurt like me to Kiev, she was really ticked off! At LEAST we had an empty seat between us. Then there were the foreigners who had gas problems across from me which woke me up from the only 2 hours of sleep that I got on that and 8½ hour flight. It was disgusting, and if that wasn’t enough, the food was as my son Valera says, “terrible!!! I noa lika dat food and I noa lika da smell, it maka me sicka”. Then there was the flight to Kiev after the 2 hour layover, which they put me on the exit wing next to the flight attendant. But I had a drunk to the right of me, a 6’6” Ukrainian, reeked of Vodka and had 2 beers with his breakfast! He decided to take off his shoes as did the woman behind to my left and I almost threw up!! And I had to endure that the rest of the 2 ½ flight to Kiev!!!! It was your basic nightmare. I had to keep my hand covering my nose so I didn’t feel nauseous. Really, it was that bad. I kept looking back at her and over at him trying to get them to catch a clue by my covered nose that there was a problem here… Houston, we HAVE a problem!!!!!
It was good to see Dima’s cheerful face when I got through customs. He let me get settled while he had to run to the embassy for visa work for the kids being hosted. I had laid down to read, fell asleep and he returned about 1 ½ hours later, and woke me up with the bell to ring him up to the apartment. Then we left for the grocery store. I got some cheese, crackers and water since I had not eaten on the planes; well an old roll on the first leg and another on the second until the neighbors’ shoes went off!! We got back to the apartment, set up my internet and phone and then he left. I was exhausted and fell asleep for about an hour. Then I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, I lay in bed from 11pm Ukraine time until 7am. My apartment is far from what Arlin and I had when we were here together in September for Valera. And, the back alley I have to use to get here, although I am right off the square, up the hill, it's a little tricky. Because it gets dark around 3:30pm here, I’m not allowed out after that- too dangerous alone, so what do you do all night? I didn’t have a great night. I felt depressed, lonely, bad headache, missing Arlin, Valera, and of course CeCe, just wanted to go home, be home and NOT here, totally not into it this time, then I started feeling fearful. That was strange. Although when you walk in this building it looks like it has been through both WW I and WW II, ripped up floors, the elevator barely fits one person and it is completely torn apart, the stairs are concrete and missing large parts, the walls atrocious, it’s really bad. The floors are broken up tile- I was afraid to see the inside of the apartment. Perhaps it’s not THAT bad, at least the bedroom and living room floors are the original wood flooring, the rest is rolling linoleum that needs to be ripped out. It’s clean, warm, and overlooks one of the main roads. Absolutely NO charm, architecture or otherwise here, this is not camera ready for a VERANDA MAGAZINE shoot, I promise you that. But after our appointment at the SDA, all the ladies there remembered me from the last time, remember those lovely meetings, Luba and the ladies all screaming on the phone about the sibs while we were fighting for them? Yeah well, they all smiled and chuckled a bit as I entered the first office. We made it through the first meeting just fine. Dima had a little “chatty chat” in the hall under his breath with the woman who prepares the papers to go to the Ministry head to assign court. She told Dima that it is not going well getting the head of this ministry to sign off on court. The best for me to do is to schedule it for January 6th to be sure that I am not stuck here waiting until the 30th. I pushed him to find out if there was ANY way we could get court next week like we did for Valera. As it stands, after all the changes the last 2 months with the new ministries etc… it’s all become more difficult. End of meeting, we return tomorrow at 4pm to pick up the paperwork and head down to Mariupol by plane at 9:30pm, arrive 10:30 pm and then a 2 ½ hour drive to the orphanage, expecting to arrive at 1:30am or so, and have to be at the inspector’s office at 8am. There’s no rest I tell you… I asked Dima if I could run all his business errands with him today so I had something to do. He obliged after we stopped for coffee. I still had not had anything to drink all morning besides water. Thanks God for cappucino! We actually had a good day, we did A LOT of walking and I mean a lot in addition to the subways and buses, but it was good. We went first to an administration office where i had to sit in what i presume they would call a lobby, waiting for him to do some official paper work having to do with the hosted kids. Then we went to some apartment buildings where his parents owned an apartment to pick up the rent; they live in southern Ukraine but rent this apartment out. For those of you who have lived in NYC, the “hood” apartment buildings by comparison look like those right off 5th avenue! Now these were REALLY bad. We stepped in the building after going thru the locked doors; all doors into apartment buildings have a door that looks like you’re entering a prison to get in. The smell was terrible. Dima said, “I know, hold your nose.” This is where he lived for several years while he was translating and working with another facilitator on adoptions. But now it’s rented out. And for those of us crying over the devaluation of our homes after the crash, this lovely "place" only cost them $78,000.00 pre-crash now worth $34k. And Dima added that his apartment building further northeast of the city was just like these. "Well, they don't have the smell that you have in this one maybe, but they are all the same." "Dima, you've GOT to be kidding me, there is no way that your apartment is like this!!" I said. "Of course, what do you think? We're used to it, this is how it is Deborah." I kept repeating the question, I just could NOT imagine. But this, as he insisted over and over, is just how it is in the Ukraine. Now the newer apartments they started in 2008 run for $250,000-350,00 but they are mostly sitting empty and unfinished since the crash he informed me. Those are the ones I liked, until he told me the price... for ONE bedroom apartments. Now I know what they run in NYC, but this is the Ukraine folks, not exactly herds of people stampeding to get in! From there we went to the tax office to find out when his quarterly taxes were due. He said you can’t do anything by internet here; you have to personally show up. Since they change the laws so often on reporting, you have to go regularly to find out so you don’t miss the date and get fined, which he says happens often. Theses tax people feel “uppity” as he put it, and even when you ask for help, they tell you the wrong answer so you end up missing your deadline and being fined anyway. Hhmmm, think of that, government thinking they run the show???? Sound familiar? From there, we headed over to another office, I can’t remember what that was for, but all of these are very far apart and take time to get to, by sub, bus and then walking… Finally, around 3pm, we stopped for lunch. Iwas hungry. I had not been feeling well all morning to this point. I think the fresh air, exercise, and company helped tremendously. We had a good lunch and then headed to the embassy for more paperwork and a final passport for one of the kids being hosted. We had lots of good conversation throughout the day. Oh we spanned church history, Ukraine history, language history of Ukrainian, Russian, Hebrew, Sirylic, which came as I waited in one office for him and continued staring at the Russian writing on the wall behind the front desk girl, how uncanny it was that their alphabet had Hebrew characters and Greek characters included in their lettering… which led me to chat about the Hebrew language as I had learned from my Hebrew teacher back in the 80’s at the Jewish Community center, then on to Greek, of course, the discourse about how the bible was Hebrew and Aramaic, wondering how Russian got a mix of a few of these in it, and then how the New Testament was translated into the Greek Septuagint, then the Latin Vulgate… I just kept jumping around as everywhere we went seemed to spark off an entirely new route of thought and conversation as I wondered about all these things. It produced a zillion questions… !!!! Which then led to my asking his story from high school graduation which was only through grade 10 back when he was in school, to present day, his current job, which lead to the gospel, at which point while crossing another avenue he said smiling and with a little laugh, “Please Deborah, you’re not going to preach to me are you?” But after having asked him if he knew what the gospel was and he said “No” I explained if he didn’t know what the gospel was, how could he possibly understand the point I wanted to make about his job, how he was doing it- the gospel I meant - by “taking care of orphans and widows” and being an agent of God despite the fact he doesn’t believe in God, simply by walking out the gospel. Of course I had to explain the gospel to him first so he got my point, which then obviously led us to church history, the dead sea scrolls, prophecy, the re-formation of Israel, back to the actual “Reformation” in the 1500’s, Martin Luther and that whole story, present day Orthodox in Ukraine, Catholicism in Western Ukraine which led to a quick recap of how catholicism got from the small “c” to the large “C” in Constantine’s time in the 330’s AD only AFTER clearing he understood what AD meant- AFTER DEATH- as in the death of Christ….Ukraine history, the western region having been Poland most of the time, you know, Catherine the Great, Nicholas the Czar, his murder, the revolution, Stalin, the entire lot of them….the church split from Rome, oh it went on and on as you can ONLY imagine with me!! He didn’t get one minute of down time mentally. I loved it!!! He probably wanted to kick himself in the rear for agreeing to let me tag along with him for the day! Such an accommodating guy. All this discussion left me with one dilemma. I wondered why his sister who had attended language school before him in whose steps he had followed, why she didn’t also do what he was doing, facilitating adoption as a facilitator and translator. It was a way to make a good living, especially since the “crash” as he put it, when so many had lost their jobs, salaries had dropped severely and inflation hit so hard. He mentioned that she was “too right” to do this job. I asked what that meant. He in a roundabout way explained that she didn’t like the tips (let’s say for discloser purposes) you had to give out along the way in this process. I said, “I don’t know how all that works out with God, you know, something not exactly “kosher” with the officials, yet accepted, expected, and moves the adoption process along, actually allowing it to happen. I need to go home and check that out with God, not sure what He has to say about it, but still you’re taking care of orphans by getting them adopted. NO? Thoughts anyone???? I’m going to bed… enough for one day. :) Just a little update on Valera and what’s happening with him before I leave for the Ukraine on the 11th to start the process for Oksana:
He’s doing very well; he’s unfortunately lost his Russian at this point. He asked me to buy Rosetta Stone in Russian so he doesn’t forget or that he can re-learn his Russian, and also Spanish as he wants to learn it too. We have received them and plan to start when I return from the Ukraine over Christmas. This is exciting! His pronunciation in Spanish is almost perfect as they roll their “r’s” in Russian. He made fun of Arlin because Arlin cannot roll his “r’s”; we have to work on that. Valera is very open, loving, caring, thoughtful, sensitive, empathetic, bright, perceptive, discerning, intuitive, forthright, decisive, having no fear, a risk taker, spontaneous, adventurous, funny, imaginative, creative, curious, quick to repent and to ask for forgiveness AND name his wrong action, forgiving (he’s always saying after he has pointed out something I have done or said that is “bad”, wrong, or hurtful, ”Mum, it’s ok mum, I forgive you” He’s a lover of animals and ALL babies- human or mammal, appreciates and expresses his delight in beauty- in nature, art, things, people, etc….loves good “expensive” food (where did he learn that?) and has a Mediterrean pallet, loving pesto, hummus, flat bread, tortillas, mult-igrain “homemade” bread, leaks, onions, almost all fruits and vegetables, yogurt, milk, ice-cream –Turkey Hill or homemade, only hard specialty cheeses, no American cheese for him, and of course, certain candy, dark chocolate, marshmallows…. I know, I KNOW!!! What an amazing little person right???!!!! But then he’s ALSO…. Very strong willed, demanding, and a perfectionist (which plays both ways, constructive and nonconstructive). He has “selective” memory. But don’t many of us? :) I’d say we go head to head about 5 times a day on various things… the schedule I have for him, doing his chores, homework, who’s the boss-me, Arlin, God or him depending on who is home at the time… when I tell him it’s me, he says “NO Mum, YOU NOTTTA the boss, Poppa the boss!!!” but then when I tell him that Poppa is in agreement with me over whatever the matter at hand is he says, “You NOTTTA the boss Mum, GOD the boss!!! You NOT TTA the boss!” Well that about takes the cake. It’s exhausting as those with strong willed children can attest to. He’s so funny, some days he gets up and says, “Mum, I no fighting vitha youa today Mum, I no lika fighting vith you alla da tima Mum, ok? Today I say ‘yes mumma’ ok?” And other times he just does whatever I ask of him without a fight or struggle and after a period of doing that for about an hour or so, he points out to me in case I’m not observing, “Mum, youa see howa I no fighting vith a youa today Mum, I a gooda today Mum, I no lika fighting vith you Mumma.” Then I have to gush all over him with bear hugs and kisses telling him how wonderful and magnificent he is and how lovely it is when we get along and he does as I direct or instruct. To which he replies, “O Mumma, youa so funny Mum!” Just off Skype from 7-10am with Dima from the Ukraine. Oh my…. I have travel date for Oksana, I leave November 11th. Unfortunately, because the SDA is not giving court dates readily as they were before this whole shut-down happened, I could be sitting there thru the 30th. We have chosen not to wait until the court date, to just get the process going and return for court. I would travel again January 4th, returning the 21st, hopefully. I would go to court right away and then wait the 10 day waiting period, and come home with Oksana on the 21st. That’s the short version, and if it all goes well when I return. As we know, nothing is for sure over there and ALWAYS plan for the unexpected!
As of now, I am booked to return the 17th barring no hang ups or weather problems… that’s a risk! But, Dima also flies on the 17th to the states but on a different plane as he flies to Boston and then to Dulles. Oh Lord!!! Finally we are getting underway with her. We have been in touch with a lawyer in the Ukraine at the same time to see if we can get Tolek, Valera’s ½ brother. Can’t say much more on that now. What a wild ride this has all been. Last night while we were sitting at dinner Valera said again, “Poppa, can ve pray that momma has baby, I wanna that momma has baby, I lika babies poppa they so cute!” Arlin laughed out loud, “oh really son, so you want momma to have a baby?” “Yes poppa, they looks so cute mum, I wanna momma have baby.” What does momma say about that? No comment! I wish I had more time to tell a recent funny story, but he’s home and it’s homework time! Chat more later. J Oh but wait, I have to tell you what he said the other night while we were praying before bed. “Mum, I so glad God givva to me dis one mum, Holy Spirit. I’m so glad mum. Yu know vhat mum? I tinking about heaven all the time mum. Is heaven purty mum? “ “oh yes honey, it is beautiful there!” “Mum I can’t vait to see heaven mum!! But mum, you get to see heaven befora me mum.” “How do you know that?” “Because mum, you bigga den me and you dieda first, I’m littla den you and I not die.” “Oh, ok, I see. Thank you for that reality check son!” Where does he come up with this stuff???? Having just had the family and friends, all 37+ of them for Thanksgiving, I am sitting here praising God for family, food, fun, and a just God’s goodness! Anyway, I am jumping into this blog thing as it seems the easiest way to keep everyone up to date on the latest. For those of you that are just “logging” on for the first time, cheers!
Wednesday evening, Valera and I were out shopping late for last minute things for Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t remember what exactly brought our conversation to this, but he said, “Mum, you know dis one mum, you know ven dey say dis one mum, ‘sticksa and stones a breaka my bones, but a vords can not kill me’, you know dis one mum? Dis not true mum, you know vhy? Because mum remember dis girl on bus say to a me, she say I’m look like chicken mcnugget? Mum dis hurt my feel mum, dis hurt my heart. Dis not true mum, vords hurt mum.” If you didn’t know he was from the Urkaine, you would think from his accent he was Italian, they end a lot of words with “a” but then there’s the ‘v’ sound for all his “w’s” sooo cute! Just want to squeeze him J He just turned 8!!!!!! How he thought about this and put this all together I can’t imagine. He’s incredible! Then he began to tell me a few stories about his life in the Ukraine before he was taken to the orphanage. I’m not going to share them now, they aren’t very happy, he was given to a couple by his mother before she was killed, I can’t determine the timing on this, but she was killed shortly after. They were ….let’s say, not parent material by ANY stretch of the imagination. He was delivered to the orphanage following that which as he put it was his “rescue” from them. He tried to get away from them, but at 6 years old, how could he? He LOVED Thanksgiving with his new family, all gazillion of them on Arlin’s side!! He and 8 out of 16 are around his age, they ran all over the place, between all 3 houses, as we, Arlin’s older sister and youngest brother all live up on the hill, Benner Lane… on the wooded part of the farm. Between the fort they built in the woods, real “make-shift” kind of thing, but it works… and the bikes, skateboards, scooters, 4-wheelers and golf carts, we couldn’t keep track of them. But of course, we were all blabbing, grazing (hate that overstuffed feeling!) laughing, and watching football the entire day and into the night. Last people left around 10pm… I barely got my pajamas on. Amy and my sister and I were going to do wine and cheese to wind down, but we never made it there. We crawled into our respective beds after believe it or not, taking make-up off, can’t sleep in that, ages ya you know! Ahhh… lights out, horizontal and sleep…. Valera went to one of his cousins a few acres across the way for the night. He packed his back-pack and got a wave in before bounding out the door into their van. Hhmmm, I’m not feeling the love somehow! J Well one less snorer in my room for the night. Arlin’s went downstairs to finish watching a game, CeCe and I snuggled up in our bed with me… night night. |
The Blog of Deborah A. Benner“They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” (Rev 12:11) If you’ve come to this blog today, He has a word for you - to touch, heal, and encourage your heart wherever you are in your journey… it’s all about Him and you!
“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Ps 139:16) He’s got you! Open the eyes of their hearts Lord, they want to see you, they want to hear you. Amen Archives
October 2021
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