Many of you have been asking, “What’s the latest, what’s the latest?” While I need to write all the funnies that have come out of Valera’s mouth recently, and they ARE funny… a quick update, and I mean quick!
Friday two weeks ago I was ready to send Oksana back on a one way ticket, well not really, but I felt like it. We had a very bad week, turns out that she had not done any homework since she had been here. It all started with a call from the school from the ESL teacher followed by one from the principals’ office.
And it went downhill from there. Arlin had gone snowmobiling in Canada with friends the week before, so I was going it alone, although, as most mom’s know, aren’t you kind of doing it alone anyway, even if hubby is home???
Cindy H. talked me off a cliff that Friday for FOUR hours, while I ran around doing all my errands mind you, the patience of Job that woman! She told me that all of Oksana’s behavior was text book for these kids. And, that my reaction to her acting up was classic and also textbook for parents of these kids.
I didn’t remember going through this with Valera, but he’s a little guy, he was 7 when he came home, and I have a short memory, Cindy remembers. I forget all the training and time I poured into him, and I only had him.
We got through the week and the weekend. We went to a fabulous NYC style salon in Lancaster that has First Friday’s every month. This month was an 80’s theme and all the personnel dress up in eighties, kind of retro to Rocky Horror Picture Show if you ask me… and they have a live DJ also dressed to suit. And they hand out 3D glasses, serve wine coolers, wine, and for the kids all kinds of fun punches and kid drinks in cool stem ware glasses, so we were there from 5:30 – 8:30 with CeCe of course, who was also the hit of the salon mind you. Ana who owns the Salon is from Russia and was speaking to the kids in Russian, I have been going to this salon on and off for a couple of years and she was dying to meet the kids.
Anyway, we whooped it up, the kids dancing around the salon, they got haircuts, I got an update on color and cut, and we had a good time.
Next day she had another meltdown. I kept going over and over in my head the things Cindy had said, as I did not want to respond the way she had explained to me that they need. She had sent me articles of a book she had recommended, Consequences and Logic or something... I have it somewhere… and she kept saying as I argued with her the first hour, “Deborah, what I am telling you will be 360 from what you think, know, or believe, and it won’t make sense. But, believe me, this is what these kids need. Everything they do comes from a place of fear. She is pushing your buttons, and she KNOWS how. She’s trying to get you to throw her out because they all expect it’s coming sooner or later and they would rather have it sooner. I raised my own kids, but when I got this one at 14, she was a whole different being. You have to put out of your mind anything traditional or otherwise you think in how to handle her behavior. It’s all about winning her trust and assuring her you aren’t going to throw her out- no matter what she does.”
No kidding, it goes against everything I wanted to do, like throw her out!
Then last week began and again it started. We had a “team meeting” with the school, her 6 teachers, the counselor, the vice principal, and the ESL teacher. That went for 2 hours and Arlin came. He has to hear what’s going on.
Now she’s not a bad girl, but she is manifesting this classic/textbook behavior all the experts talk about, I hadn’t read my books recently and had forgotten. Plus she and Valera have been fighting like cats and dogs!!
By the end of the week, Saturday, I told Arlin I needed a “me” day as I had not been without these kids for a month, I needed a day when NOONE including HIM spoke to me, asked me for anything, needed me for anything or otherwise. I was hoping for Saturday. Well, didn’t happen. He just got back from 8 days of snowmobiling the weekend before, so it’s my turn now!! NOT.
By Sunday night, I was over tired and exhausted emotionally which wipes you out physically. We had a good afternoon hiking with the kids, but the behavior stuff was getting to me. After putting them to bed, I held CeCe and cried most the night wanting to go home to Jesus with CeCe and let Arlin sort it all out.
Got up early, got the kids up, made their breakfast, made their lunches, helped them pack their back packs, making sure they had all their homework etc… and walked them down the lane in my famous bathrobe to the bus.
Came back in the house where normally I have devotion from 7-8, then workout from 8-9 and frankly, I went back to bed with CeCe.
It was what I needed; I slept for an hour and woke up feeling different. Thank you Jesus for a miracle. All the heaviness and sadness was gone somehow. Miracle!
I had to get up as I had a new cleaning lady coming to train, don’t you just hate that! Training is like doing it yourself. But, if she worked out, I was home free with at least ONE responsibility.
Ok, live news feed, Valera turned the thermostat of our house with floor heat up to 85 degrees last night without us knowing it, I am SWEATING as I sit here typing, and the doors are open!!!! See what I mean? Why do they have to touch everything?????
Cleaning lady seemed to work out, though slow, but thorough. Kids came home and we had a good day of homework… another miracle!!! Last week as I sat with her for 2 hours she threw the pencil, her books, the papers, shoved the desk across the room, screamed, yelled, pouted, ended up on the floor resisting doing her homework, said she hated English, she was not going to learn it, etc… You get the drift of the last two weeks.
But, I THINK, Lord willing, she gets the drift that it is NOT optional, her schoolwork or school for that matter. Oh, and she had found the boy she likes on FB, how she got there I don’t know. I discovered this when I came home from a board meeting last Tuesday when I went to check my emails that night. Arlin had been watching Fox news, what else, and said he saw her go over to the laptop and that she was doing something. HELLO, ANYONE HOME?????
I changed the password on all the computers, NO ONE gets access unless I allow it now!! End of that scenario! How did she learn that? I had not showed her how to surf nor had I shown her Face book?
See what I mean?
Ok. Hopefully that’s behind us for now. I am not that naïve anymore, I hope!
Did I say quick update? Is there such a thing?
Oh, one final note… ever have those days when you hear “Mom???” for the 100th time and you want to say, “She left, she moved to another country.”????? Come on ladies, give it up!!
Until the next time I have 15 minutes to write AND I’m not in survival mode but actually relaxed.
Friday two weeks ago I was ready to send Oksana back on a one way ticket, well not really, but I felt like it. We had a very bad week, turns out that she had not done any homework since she had been here. It all started with a call from the school from the ESL teacher followed by one from the principals’ office.
And it went downhill from there. Arlin had gone snowmobiling in Canada with friends the week before, so I was going it alone, although, as most mom’s know, aren’t you kind of doing it alone anyway, even if hubby is home???
Cindy H. talked me off a cliff that Friday for FOUR hours, while I ran around doing all my errands mind you, the patience of Job that woman! She told me that all of Oksana’s behavior was text book for these kids. And, that my reaction to her acting up was classic and also textbook for parents of these kids.
I didn’t remember going through this with Valera, but he’s a little guy, he was 7 when he came home, and I have a short memory, Cindy remembers. I forget all the training and time I poured into him, and I only had him.
We got through the week and the weekend. We went to a fabulous NYC style salon in Lancaster that has First Friday’s every month. This month was an 80’s theme and all the personnel dress up in eighties, kind of retro to Rocky Horror Picture Show if you ask me… and they have a live DJ also dressed to suit. And they hand out 3D glasses, serve wine coolers, wine, and for the kids all kinds of fun punches and kid drinks in cool stem ware glasses, so we were there from 5:30 – 8:30 with CeCe of course, who was also the hit of the salon mind you. Ana who owns the Salon is from Russia and was speaking to the kids in Russian, I have been going to this salon on and off for a couple of years and she was dying to meet the kids.
Anyway, we whooped it up, the kids dancing around the salon, they got haircuts, I got an update on color and cut, and we had a good time.
Next day she had another meltdown. I kept going over and over in my head the things Cindy had said, as I did not want to respond the way she had explained to me that they need. She had sent me articles of a book she had recommended, Consequences and Logic or something... I have it somewhere… and she kept saying as I argued with her the first hour, “Deborah, what I am telling you will be 360 from what you think, know, or believe, and it won’t make sense. But, believe me, this is what these kids need. Everything they do comes from a place of fear. She is pushing your buttons, and she KNOWS how. She’s trying to get you to throw her out because they all expect it’s coming sooner or later and they would rather have it sooner. I raised my own kids, but when I got this one at 14, she was a whole different being. You have to put out of your mind anything traditional or otherwise you think in how to handle her behavior. It’s all about winning her trust and assuring her you aren’t going to throw her out- no matter what she does.”
No kidding, it goes against everything I wanted to do, like throw her out!
Then last week began and again it started. We had a “team meeting” with the school, her 6 teachers, the counselor, the vice principal, and the ESL teacher. That went for 2 hours and Arlin came. He has to hear what’s going on.
Now she’s not a bad girl, but she is manifesting this classic/textbook behavior all the experts talk about, I hadn’t read my books recently and had forgotten. Plus she and Valera have been fighting like cats and dogs!!
By the end of the week, Saturday, I told Arlin I needed a “me” day as I had not been without these kids for a month, I needed a day when NOONE including HIM spoke to me, asked me for anything, needed me for anything or otherwise. I was hoping for Saturday. Well, didn’t happen. He just got back from 8 days of snowmobiling the weekend before, so it’s my turn now!! NOT.
By Sunday night, I was over tired and exhausted emotionally which wipes you out physically. We had a good afternoon hiking with the kids, but the behavior stuff was getting to me. After putting them to bed, I held CeCe and cried most the night wanting to go home to Jesus with CeCe and let Arlin sort it all out.
Got up early, got the kids up, made their breakfast, made their lunches, helped them pack their back packs, making sure they had all their homework etc… and walked them down the lane in my famous bathrobe to the bus.
Came back in the house where normally I have devotion from 7-8, then workout from 8-9 and frankly, I went back to bed with CeCe.
It was what I needed; I slept for an hour and woke up feeling different. Thank you Jesus for a miracle. All the heaviness and sadness was gone somehow. Miracle!
I had to get up as I had a new cleaning lady coming to train, don’t you just hate that! Training is like doing it yourself. But, if she worked out, I was home free with at least ONE responsibility.
Ok, live news feed, Valera turned the thermostat of our house with floor heat up to 85 degrees last night without us knowing it, I am SWEATING as I sit here typing, and the doors are open!!!! See what I mean? Why do they have to touch everything?????
Cleaning lady seemed to work out, though slow, but thorough. Kids came home and we had a good day of homework… another miracle!!! Last week as I sat with her for 2 hours she threw the pencil, her books, the papers, shoved the desk across the room, screamed, yelled, pouted, ended up on the floor resisting doing her homework, said she hated English, she was not going to learn it, etc… You get the drift of the last two weeks.
But, I THINK, Lord willing, she gets the drift that it is NOT optional, her schoolwork or school for that matter. Oh, and she had found the boy she likes on FB, how she got there I don’t know. I discovered this when I came home from a board meeting last Tuesday when I went to check my emails that night. Arlin had been watching Fox news, what else, and said he saw her go over to the laptop and that she was doing something. HELLO, ANYONE HOME?????
I changed the password on all the computers, NO ONE gets access unless I allow it now!! End of that scenario! How did she learn that? I had not showed her how to surf nor had I shown her Face book?
See what I mean?
Ok. Hopefully that’s behind us for now. I am not that naïve anymore, I hope!
Did I say quick update? Is there such a thing?
Oh, one final note… ever have those days when you hear “Mom???” for the 100th time and you want to say, “She left, she moved to another country.”????? Come on ladies, give it up!!
Until the next time I have 15 minutes to write AND I’m not in survival mode but actually relaxed.
RSS Feed