It has been one month since I lost Bootsie... My large, black cat with the four enormous white feet who had been with me for ten years. He was dropped off at the farm with his brother, Shadow, at about six weeks old. When I found them, I quickly took them both up to our house. They were fluffy, unusual, and beautiful. I somehow knew they were special - meant for me.
I lost Shadow about two years later - most likely to a fox in the winter. I mourned. I had no children and they had become my companions. Although they were not allowed in the house, I snuck them in during the winter days while Arlin was at work. Of course he quickly figured it out, but he knew they were good hunters... NO mice, rats, squirrels, or snakes around our home! OH they would bring the LIVE game up to the house, yes, even the snakes from the creek, and play with them, letting their prey think they were getting away and then... well, you know.
Every Christmas, while other families sent letters updating on their families, I sent newsletters with funny stories and antics about Bootsie and Shadow.
Four weeks ago, my brother-in-law found Bootsie on an trail between our homes off the farm. I had been looking for him for three days. My twin nieces and daughter, Diana, buried him for me. They made a headstone and put a vase of flowers next to it. We all held hands and prayed, hoping he did not suffer without me knowing he needed my help, and that he had gone off to rest peacefully as I learned dogs and cats do when they know it is their time. Who dare say there is no God?!
I cried for several days and continue to miss him. This fourth week of missing him, I had a dream that seemed so real...
I was sitting and chatting with a brother of mine at the table and Bootsie jumped up on the table as he often did demanding attention. I said to him, “Oh wow!! Where have you been my sweet friend? So it wasn't you that we found, it was another cat. Where have you been hiding the last four weeks?” Side note, where he was found, he was recognizable only to me, the large birds had apparently found him first. :(
I woke up and began to mourn again... Missing him at my window, missing walking down to the bus with the children, and every morning and afternoon walking along side CeCe and I as we took our daily walks to the bridge and back.
Then I heard the accusing voice, “How incredibly selfish and self-indulgent are you??!! Are you kidding me? In the wake of all the suffering of human beings in the world, children and families being murdered across the globe, hungry, homeless, orphans, addicted, all the pain, and you think God cares about a ridiculous cat??? Shouldn't you be busy caring for the sick, wounded, and the world rather than feeling sorry for yourself over a stupid cat, a mere animal with no soul??!”
I cringed and took the bait. I felt horrible the rest of the morning.
But then God whispered in my ear...
“Deborah, do you remember what happened at Glenville, the new farm, when you were with your children? You took in a baby kitten, rejected by it's mother - who was too thin and frail to care for her new litter of five kittens down at the farm. That kitten Nikita chose to love and name Tigey. You, along with the other children, began to feed and nurse this little one to life. But she was neglected too long. You and the children brought her into your home at the insistence of the children where she slept. They watched her vigilantly night and day for three days, feeding her every two hours with a tiny bottle, doing all they knew to do to give her life. You, as their mother, prayed with the children, taught them to lay hands on this tiny being, reminding them of My Word, 'A righteous man is kind to his animals.' How I LOVE ALL MY CREATION even to the least these, so much that I know when even a sparrow falls to the ground. You took her to the new farm with you as you went down to help your husband over the weekend with harvest. That Friday night, as you knew you were losing the battle with her, you held her, rocked her along with your children as Nikita cried, 'Momma, why doesn't Jesus answer our prayers for Tigey? He doesn't hear us Momma!” - as the others kept watch silently. You walked the silent country roads with only the sounds of tractors and combines running in the background, holding her close to your chest with the children praying. You answered them, 'He is here, He does care, He might just want Tigey to go home with Him instead of leaving her here with us.' Then she took her last breath with a little scream as you all prayed and cried. You cried with them. Your son Valera said, 'Let's take her up to the barns and bury her mom, I'll get a shovel and we can make a grave for her.' It was 10 p.m.. Arlin came down from the trench to take a quick break and say hi to you all, only to find you up at the barn. He joined the children and covered her. Nikita made a little mound. You all held hands and prayed. Then you left in the dark of night. There were only My stars and the moon to light your way out of the field. I was there too, watching, singing over you all, delighting in the midst of your family. Do you suppose that as you acted in mercy, kindness, and compassion for your children and their tiny friend, I am at all ANY less merciful, kind, or compassionate? OF COURSE I feel your loss for your companion, Bootsie; I created him for you. I know every grain of sand. I count every hair on every head. I created creatures that no human eye has seen, flowers and plants that bloom where no man has been... all for MY good pleasure and to share some of them with mankind! I know every sparrow that falls to the ground... the least of the birds of the air, and WHY? Because I AM. Receive my compassion for you, my comfort in the least of things in the face of the enemy. Imagine the magnitude of my love for the greatest of my creation, My children. I love you! Shut the mouth of the enemy with My Word and rejoice in Me only! Have a blessed day today, we'll enjoy it together.”
Well, then, I have nothing else to say accept thank you Jesus!!!!
I lost Shadow about two years later - most likely to a fox in the winter. I mourned. I had no children and they had become my companions. Although they were not allowed in the house, I snuck them in during the winter days while Arlin was at work. Of course he quickly figured it out, but he knew they were good hunters... NO mice, rats, squirrels, or snakes around our home! OH they would bring the LIVE game up to the house, yes, even the snakes from the creek, and play with them, letting their prey think they were getting away and then... well, you know.
Every Christmas, while other families sent letters updating on their families, I sent newsletters with funny stories and antics about Bootsie and Shadow.
Four weeks ago, my brother-in-law found Bootsie on an trail between our homes off the farm. I had been looking for him for three days. My twin nieces and daughter, Diana, buried him for me. They made a headstone and put a vase of flowers next to it. We all held hands and prayed, hoping he did not suffer without me knowing he needed my help, and that he had gone off to rest peacefully as I learned dogs and cats do when they know it is their time. Who dare say there is no God?!
I cried for several days and continue to miss him. This fourth week of missing him, I had a dream that seemed so real...
I was sitting and chatting with a brother of mine at the table and Bootsie jumped up on the table as he often did demanding attention. I said to him, “Oh wow!! Where have you been my sweet friend? So it wasn't you that we found, it was another cat. Where have you been hiding the last four weeks?” Side note, where he was found, he was recognizable only to me, the large birds had apparently found him first. :(
I woke up and began to mourn again... Missing him at my window, missing walking down to the bus with the children, and every morning and afternoon walking along side CeCe and I as we took our daily walks to the bridge and back.
Then I heard the accusing voice, “How incredibly selfish and self-indulgent are you??!! Are you kidding me? In the wake of all the suffering of human beings in the world, children and families being murdered across the globe, hungry, homeless, orphans, addicted, all the pain, and you think God cares about a ridiculous cat??? Shouldn't you be busy caring for the sick, wounded, and the world rather than feeling sorry for yourself over a stupid cat, a mere animal with no soul??!”
I cringed and took the bait. I felt horrible the rest of the morning.
But then God whispered in my ear...
“Deborah, do you remember what happened at Glenville, the new farm, when you were with your children? You took in a baby kitten, rejected by it's mother - who was too thin and frail to care for her new litter of five kittens down at the farm. That kitten Nikita chose to love and name Tigey. You, along with the other children, began to feed and nurse this little one to life. But she was neglected too long. You and the children brought her into your home at the insistence of the children where she slept. They watched her vigilantly night and day for three days, feeding her every two hours with a tiny bottle, doing all they knew to do to give her life. You, as their mother, prayed with the children, taught them to lay hands on this tiny being, reminding them of My Word, 'A righteous man is kind to his animals.' How I LOVE ALL MY CREATION even to the least these, so much that I know when even a sparrow falls to the ground. You took her to the new farm with you as you went down to help your husband over the weekend with harvest. That Friday night, as you knew you were losing the battle with her, you held her, rocked her along with your children as Nikita cried, 'Momma, why doesn't Jesus answer our prayers for Tigey? He doesn't hear us Momma!” - as the others kept watch silently. You walked the silent country roads with only the sounds of tractors and combines running in the background, holding her close to your chest with the children praying. You answered them, 'He is here, He does care, He might just want Tigey to go home with Him instead of leaving her here with us.' Then she took her last breath with a little scream as you all prayed and cried. You cried with them. Your son Valera said, 'Let's take her up to the barns and bury her mom, I'll get a shovel and we can make a grave for her.' It was 10 p.m.. Arlin came down from the trench to take a quick break and say hi to you all, only to find you up at the barn. He joined the children and covered her. Nikita made a little mound. You all held hands and prayed. Then you left in the dark of night. There were only My stars and the moon to light your way out of the field. I was there too, watching, singing over you all, delighting in the midst of your family. Do you suppose that as you acted in mercy, kindness, and compassion for your children and their tiny friend, I am at all ANY less merciful, kind, or compassionate? OF COURSE I feel your loss for your companion, Bootsie; I created him for you. I know every grain of sand. I count every hair on every head. I created creatures that no human eye has seen, flowers and plants that bloom where no man has been... all for MY good pleasure and to share some of them with mankind! I know every sparrow that falls to the ground... the least of the birds of the air, and WHY? Because I AM. Receive my compassion for you, my comfort in the least of things in the face of the enemy. Imagine the magnitude of my love for the greatest of my creation, My children. I love you! Shut the mouth of the enemy with My Word and rejoice in Me only! Have a blessed day today, we'll enjoy it together.”
Well, then, I have nothing else to say accept thank you Jesus!!!!
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